Don’t Put Your Finger in That: A Public Safety Service

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

As I get older I get more accident prone. At least it seems that way. Maybe it’s just that, with age, my body experiences pain in ever increasing ways.

Just the other day, I tripped walking up the steps. It took a few beats before the pain from the shock waves that coursed through my back subsided enough for me to continue my journey upward.

World's best invention

Sitting on the floor or reaching that one itchy spot on the center of my back that always seems to need a scratch are painful endeavors. Reaching for something in the backseat of my car, not happening. All these mundane tasks I once completed without a second thought. Now, I weigh the pros and cons before attempting them. I ask myself, “Is the inevitable pain worth the results?”

I learned to think before I acted over time thanks to constant warnings from loved ones. One of the most common warnings had to do with what to keep my finger out of as in, “Don’t put your finger in that!”

This particular lesson became even more relevant recently as I lay crying and trembling in pain while the emergency room staff tried to figure out how they were going to 1) give me an IV for morphine and 2) remove the immersion blender impaled in my left pointer finger. Because I assume I am not the only adult knucklehead in the world, my task here is to remind you, my dear reader, of things you should keep your finger out of.

As a toddler, I was told to keep my finger out of electrical sockets: Solid advice that I passed on to my kids. At this tender age I was also warned of the danger of whirring fans and anything hot like burning logs, stove tops, and curling irons.( As I type this, I have about three burns on my hand from the stove top and a burn on my ear from the flat iron. I guess this lesson I will never learn.)

As a preschooler, I was told to keep my finger out of my nose. Let’s face it, this is not always possible, but good manners are important.

As I grew tall enough and my reach allowed, I was told to keep my fingers inside of the car window. The idea was that the wind shear from passing traffic could remove my digits. Though I question the physics on this particular warning, I do tell my kids the same thing as they try to ride the air waves with their hands.

As I became increasingly more aware of my appearance, I was told to keep my finger out of my mouth as I dislodged unwanted food from my teeth. Mom would yell, “That’s what toothpicks are for!” Let’s face it, the fingernail is a handy food removing apparatus.

As a teenager I babysat. This is when I learned to keep my fingers out of the mouths of toddlers. As a speech-language pathologist, I am expected to examine toddler mouths. I cringe each time I recall the pain that a two year-old's bite can cause. This advice would extend to the keeping fingers out of the jaws of a hungry dog. (Just in case you thought Fido would be able to decipher your finger from a Milk Bone.)

My mom encouraged me to help more in the kitchen (okay she really ordered me, but let’s not dwell on that). Part of her instructions while I cleaned the kitchen each night after dinner was to “keep your finger out of the garbage disposal!” I wish she would have expanded that to include all speeding blades like blenders.

Speaking of blades, keep your fingers out of sink tubs filled with soapy dish water that obscures the sharp knives you stupidly tossed in and immediately forgot about. (Another emergency room visit ending with 23 stitches)

Other places to keep fingers out of include a closing door and the path of a swinging hammer.

My last bit of advice became obvious once I married. The wedding ring is a symbol of love and everlasting commitment. It is also a reminder of how much weight you gain after you say your “I dos.” It is important to recognize and embrace your new body type and remove that unforgiving band of gold before it’s too late. Keep your finger out of too small rings! I promise the jeweler won’t judge you when you show up and ask for a slight alteration.

Stay safe and keep all ten of your digits healthy and whole. Just think, if I had succeeded in removing my left pointer finger I would have one less tooth cleaning tool.

10 Things to Keep Your Finger Out Of

1.  Motorized Blades

2.  Toddler Mouths

3.  The Mouths of Hungry Dogs

4.  Anything Hot

5.  Your Nose

6.  Your Mouth

7.  Too Small rings

8.  The Path of Sharp Knives

9.  The Path of swinging Hammers

10. Closing Doors