Loitering Loiterers Make the World a Better Place

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

photo by Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

I was shocked to find a sign posted at a park proclaiming “No Loitering Loiterers Will Be Prosecuted.” Aside from the lack of punctuation which, when read as printed, changes the intent completely, this made me think, “If you can’t loiter at a park, than where can you lawfully loiter?”

I guess we first have to reflect on what loitering is. I consider loitering to be the act of hanging-out in a place that hanging-out would be considered disruptive. But, it turns out that loitering actually sounds quite nice. Dictionary.com defines it this way.

loiter

[loi-ter] 

to linger aimlessly or as if aimless in or about a place:

to loiter around the bus terminal.

to move in a slow, idle manner, making purposeless stops in the course of a trip, journey, 

errand, etc.:

to loiter on the way to work.

to waste time or dawdle over work:

He loiters over his homework until one in the morning.

verb (used with object)

to pass (time) in an idle or aimless manner (usually followed byaway):

to loiter away the afternoon in daydreaming.

This begs the question, why is loitering illegal or discouraged, especially at a park? Other places that might encourage the act of loitering include a beach, a bench along Main Street, a babbling creek, a patch of woods, and mountain top (especially at sunset). These places are perfect for loitering.

I argue that the world would be a better place if more of us loitered daily.

• “Wandering about aimlessly without purpose” allows us to explore and experience new places, people, and things.

• “Moving in a slow and idle manner” gives us time to notice and appreciate the little things in life.

• “To dawdle over work” might give us the opportunity to take the time to do our jobs better, with improved attention to detail.

• “To pass time in an idle manner” gives us time to daydream and develop creativity.

So I say be a rebel. Become a ne'er-do-well. Be a Loitering Loiterer! You just might make the world a better place.

Teaching Fiscal Responsibility: A New Twist on Allowance

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

The other day my oldest daughter walked to the corner store and bought herself deodorant using her own money. In that moment, I felt victorious!

Of course I would have bought her deodorant, but she never asked. All of my years of teaching her the value of money and financial responsibility paid off. She just might be ready for the real world.

Every child needs to learn the value of money. By starting to teach them at a young age, we can head-off mistakes in adolescence and adulthood, mistakes which bury them in debt and cause financial ruin. 

“Children should understand that things like water and heat aren’t free.”

Modeling good money management and talking to your children about how you spend and manage your money are key in teaching fiscal responsibility (this does not mean you have to share actual dollar amounts). Children should understand that things like water and heat aren’t free. They should understand that we work to make the money that pays for the things we need.

The key to success in this endeavor is to ensure your children have their own money to manage. Because every family member has a responsibility to maintain and care for the shared home, the money children receive should not be directly related to basic household responsibilities (chores).

“Paying children for chores teaches them that they have a choice”

Paying children for chores teaches them that they have a choice, that it is not a reality of life. Rather than pay for chores, provide each of your children with an income. Starting somewhere in the preschool years, a child should be paid weekly one dollar for each year they have lived. (Yes, they get money just for being alive. Stick with me it will make sense later.)

3 Categories of Pay

1. Spend: The child keeps and spends 70% of the income.  This money can be spent on whatever the child chooses within the rules of the household. Autonomy with spending money helps him understand what things cost and to have realistic expectations of what he can truly afford.

2. Save: The child saves 20% of the income.  Work with your child to decide how best to invest this money. Savings accounts accumulate and teach about earned interest. Buying stock and watching it gain or lose value prepares her for future investing. Place money into a TAP 529 or other mutual fund accounts. Buy bonds or life insurance. The experience of saving and investing applies math skills and teaches money management.

3. Donate.  The child donates 10% of the income. Once the money has accumulated, help your child donate the money. Talk about options in categories like people, animals, or organizations. Research the charity. Teaching philanthropic ideals at a young age will foster empathy and philanthropy.

4 Stipulations

stip·u·la·tion

Function: noun
: something required as part of an agreement 

1. As your children get older and no longer rely on concrete evidence that money exists, switch from cash payments to a ledger system. In today’s world our money is virtual. Learning how to manage money from a spreadsheet is harder and truer to life.

2. If your child does not complete her daily responsibilities (chores), she will have to pay whoever completed the chore for her. These fees should be predetermined.  Every person has the right to not complete her own chore if she finds another person willing and able to complete it. She can barter by swapping jobs or pay the other person the agreed upon fee. If no one agrees to take over the responsibility, than the person assigned the job must complete it. If she refuses, she must pay double and face a consequence determined by the parent. 

3. The parent may restrict the child from buying things that do not fit in the scope of the family’s values.  If the child wants to purchase an item that is not age appropriate or is not allowed in the home (candy, toy guns, etc…) than the parent can veto the purchase with a clear explanation of why the child is not permitted to make the purchase. If the child wants to buy an item that seems excessive or frivolous but does not go against the household rules, the parent should discuss the pros and cons of buying this item. The final decision is the child’s. The child may regret the purchase. This is part of the teaching process.

4. Your child should be able to earn extra money by performing chores outside of the scope of daily living. Washing dishes, taking out the trash, folding laundry and caring for the family pet are things that need to be done. Washing the car, scrubbing the inside of cupboards, and painting the fence are tasks that a child should be paid to complete. This teaches them to value themselves and their work. It teaches them to expect others to value their contribution. Work ethic and knowing that your effort deserves reimbursement are complicated lessons to learn and to teach

We all know that financial stress is one of the most common and most destructive stressors of relationships. By making thoughtful attempts to introduce our children to earning and managing money we will set them up for a life of success. 

By all means pay for your children’s necessities like deodorant, but if they tell you “I got this mom,” relish in the fact that you have done a great job of teaching your child that nothing in life is free.

 Financial stress and relationships

 Financial Stress

Making Breakfast with Robin Roberts

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Years ago, I suffered through my morning routine groggy and lonely until I discovered morning television!

Back then, the Today Show with its peppy co-hosts Matt Lauer and Katie Couric were my go to breakfast buds. The Today Show’s opening jingle was always perfectly timed with the whistle of my teapot. I poured the hot water over the fresh ground coffee piled high in my

Melitta as Matt and Katie introduced themselves, “Good morning, I’m Matt Lauer, and I’m Katie Couric…”

Listening to their soothing voices deliver all kinds of bad news made the carefully choreographed routine of preparing breakfasts for my family smooth and easy.

While the coffee dripped and Matt and Katie had some light banter on easy news days (or spoke in professional concerned tones on hard news days), I prepped my daily smoothie with banana, OJ, frozen blueberries, Greek yogurt, and milled flax seeds.

By the time the smoothie was prepared, the coffee was ready for me to add honey and cinnamon to the aromatic dark roasted elixir which I topped it off with milk. Matt and Katie continued to read the Teleprompters informing me of all the bad things happening in New York (and sometimes even other places). 

As my family entered the kitchen with the pep and verve of a slumber of sloths, I would turn to making my girls’ breakfast. Much to their consternation (because “everybody else gets to eat donuts and Coco Puffs for breakfast”) I made them a” healthy” breakfast. I piled their plates high with fresh fruit, raw almonds, and a whole wheat mini-bagel. I spent countless hours extolling the virtues of protein to my churlish children.

This was our routine for years up until the great Ann Curry debacle of 2012. After that, I could not look Matt Lauer in the eye even through my mini flat screen TV that sits on my kitchen counter.

To fill my morning “news” jones, I switched networks. I tried the CBS morning show, but the anchors were a bit lack luster for me. I needed the pep and good humor of a Katie Couric or even a Meredith Vieira. Feeling a bit dirty, I tuned into GMA, the Today Show’s show biggest competitor.

It took some adjusting, but eventually, I grew to love Robin Roberts and George Steph-a something-ness. Even the rotating cast of co-anchors got my attention and earned my admiration, except for Michael Strahan. I like him, but he appears both uncomfortable and annoyed to be there. Not to mention the weird negativity I sense between him and Amy Robach.

Along with the change in shows, my breakfasts changed some too. I had to learn to eat gluten free. I mastered cooking and eating GF oatmeal which I simmered slowly while I made plates for my girls still pushing the protein and fresh fruit. I topped my oatmeal with almond milk, cinnamon, honey, and walnuts.

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Other ingredient changes occurred like switching the OJ to coconut water in my smoothie improved health benefits. My flax seeds also have chia seeds to keep on trend with super foods. My fair trade, organic coffee is locally roasted whenever possible. It steeps in a French press pot no longer dripping from a Melitta. My blueberries are from my own garden or the farmers market.

Benefits of Coconut Water

As we attend to breakfast, on GMA, Ginger Zee’s weather forecast marks the transition from real news to fluff news. My oatmeal is ready to eat. Ah, fluff news, it makes eating oatmeal seem so much more decadent.

By the time Robin throws it to the local news, the plates are cleared and the girls are off to school. We are ready for the day with full bellies and just enough information to keep us up to date on the big news stories, and disturbingly, what the Kardashians are up to.

18 Tips for Raising Kids to Be Ready for Real Life

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

I heard myself yelling across the house at my twelve year old to “stop shouting across the house! If you need to talk to someone get up and go to them!” Realizing the absurdity of my words, I acknowledged the complexities of this parenting gig.

I do my best, but in this world of social media and Pinterest it easy to feel pressure to parent perfectly. My approach is a blend of old school meets new age with a dose of warm and fuzzy

"I Am Not a Twelve Year Old Girl"

I am reminded regularly how different I am from many parents. This becomes most evident when my 12 year old asks me to play dolls with her. I remind her that I am not a 12 year old girl and that my imagination is as rusty as my body. I encourage her to either call a friend, who actually is twelve, or choose a different activity like cards or a board game.

"I Just Want the Now"

When I refuse to play dolls, I recognize that many other moms would gush over this opportunity citing that, “She is growing up so fast. You might never have this opportunity again.” My response is “good” and “yeah.” I love my daughter. She will be my daughter forever. I do not love playing dolls. I do love that she is growing up. I love her at this age, at this stage just as I loved her in all her other ages and stages. I do not wish to go backward or rush forward. I just want the now.

I have spent the last two decades observing other parents raise their children picking up some great tips along the way. I have seen examples of what not to do and as well as brilliant tricks. I have read numerous books on parenting and raised two pretty awesome kids myself.

To help you and other parents who might want a little guidance on how to parent, I have compiled a list of tips that I have found to be parenting gold. 

"Become Very Familiar with Child Development"

Remember, before you adopt or reject any of these tips I emphatically encourage you to become very familiar with child development. Understanding typical development of emotional, social, intellectual, physical, and self-help skills is imperative. Not being able to understand or even predict why and how your child is behaving may cause you to place unrealistic expectations on them that may cause you to push too hard too soon, or possibly, even worse, not enough.

Embrace Your Child's Temperament

In addition to understanding typical development, knowing and embracing your child’s temperament as well as any of his or her special needs or delays is equally important. We must know how and why to adjust the demands we put on our kids to make it possible for them to be successful. We can’t change them, but we can nurture them based on who they are not who we are.

The 18 Tips

1. Say what you mean and follow through (throw away the toy when you threaten too). Be consistent. Choose your threats and demands carefully. Make sure you can realistically follow through with them without hurting innocent parties. For example, do not threaten to cancel an upcoming birthday party. You will not only punish your child, but all the kids who are set to come and their parents who were looking forward to a few hours of peace and quiet. Rather, threaten to give all her gifts to charity instead.

2. Let them cry it out This advice is for our babies big and small. Comfort them in really traumatic times, but let them learn to self-sooth as early as possible. Don’t make small accidents or incidents bigger than they are by your reactions.

3. Talk and explain less when imparting consequences Trying to rationalize with any child who is emotionally overwrought is a waste of time. Wait for times of calm and peace to teach.

4. Use choices and stick with it even if the choice made is uncomfortable for you. See my earlier blog for more info on this. http://mybrunettelifeasaredhead.blogspot.com/2016/08/6-rues-and-6-reasons-for-using-choices.html

5.  Play Devil’s Advocate Don’t always assume your kid’s perspective is the correct one. This also teaches them to question information, to see all sides to an argument, and to make informed decisions

6. Force them to face their fears and yes I mean force them (of course be sensible). I made my daughter do many things she feared. Almost every time it worked out. I made her run track, now she loves it. (Refrain from saying, “I told you so.”)

7.  Cook what you like not what they like then wait until they are really hungry to feed them. See the book Bringing Up Bebe

8. Feed them healthy food even when all the other kids eat crap (and by other kids I mean dad too). Teaching healthy eating habits early is critical. See this blog for more info http://mybrunettelifeasaredhead.blogspot.com/2017/01/10-tips-to-head-off-picky-eaters.html

9. Send them away when they are driving you nuts. They have bedrooms for a reason. You have a right to some peace and quiet. Life does not have to be constant chaos.

10. Let them be bored

11. Make them find their own way Whether it's walking to school, riding a bike to a friends house, or taking a bus to the mall, they need to learn to do things without you. I promise there are fewer predators and dangers lurking in the world than the media would like to make you think.

National Kidnapping Facts

12. Help them discover independence early Start with ordering their own food at restaurants or paying the clerk at the store and getting the change. Move to walking the dogs, walking to school, and even calling to make their own appointments for haircuts. My daughter makes her own orthodontic appointments since she knows her availability.

13. Assign chores They live in the house too. Why should you do all the work? Not to mention that someday they will be on their own. Knowing how to wash dishes and scrub a toilet would be helpful (unless you plan on being their housekeeper). See this blog post for more http://mybrunettelifeasaredhead.blogspot.com/2016/11/cleanliness-does-not-equal-confidence.html

14. Give them an allowance Make them pay for things like running shoes and Christmas gifts. They need to learn the value of money early and often.

15. Teach them community service. This will make them more empathetic and proactive in the community. Not everybody has a bed or food, and they need to know that.

Click here for service ideas

16. Go away without them You both deserve a break. This teaches them to learn to trust and be flexible. It allows other family and/or friends to bond with them and teaches them new ways to approach the world. Start with just an hour or two and then work up to a week if you can. Learn how to recharge http://mybrunettelifeasaredhead.blogspot.com/2016/11/taking-time-to-recharge-and-appreciate.html

17. Give them as many experiences as possible Expose them to art, nature, sports, friends, family, cultures, and places. Many feel restrained by income, but most communities offer free or no cost options. Even walks through the neighborhood or nearby town have so much to offer. See this blog for more ideas http://mybrunettelifeasaredhead.blogspot.com/2016/07/learning-toys-not-required-experience.html

18.Tell them Three Things Every night before bed tell your children 3 things they did that day that made you proud or happy. Something so small means so much.

When I start yelling, I try to remember that using these tips and balancing them with healthy doses of love, affection, and laughter helps me accomplish my goal of raising self-sufficient, independent, kind, and loving adults. The world needs more people like that.