Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Smarty Pants Smart Phone


By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston


I have been slow to embrace technology. Unlike toddlers, I am not intuitively inclined to operate the newfangled devices. It seems mastering the intricacies of the smart phone and tablets is best left to one-year-olds. I, at forty-eight, still struggle with the most basic things like, which button to push when taking a selfie. 

Damn-it! I clicked the off button again!

Years ago, I attempted to listen to the audio book Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. That boring and lengthy tome lulled me into daydreams and near sleep as I suffered through about six hours of Job’s life story. Though my mind wandered through most of Dylan Baker's narration, I did glean one speck of information which transformed me into an Apple products expert. I have been sharing this tidbit with others ever since. 

Jobs created Apple protects to be intuitive. Boom!

The intuitive nature of his products explains why none of them come with operating manuals. He believed our instincts alone should allow us to master use of his devices.  In theory, this is a pretty awesome concept. The reality, at least for me, is quite the opposite.

My thinking flexibility, much like my skeletal flexibility, has long since seized-up. Microsoft took control of my mind when it was young and amenable. My intuitions have been stripped away. Muscle memory dictates my need to double click an icon with a mouse. Swiping just feels wrong!

A toddler, on the other hand, is fresh and new and unencumbered with previously learned habits. Therefore, his inexperience makes him the best at embracing his intuitiveness to make those dang smart devices work.

Despite my disdain for our modern advances (see last week’s blog on Alexa), I am learning to embrace some of them. I resisted the texting craze for years. Just pick-up the phone and talk I would shout at my teen who then, would roll her eyes as if the concept of an actual voice to ear conversation through a phone was archaic. Come to think of it, since she has had her smart phone, I don’t think she has ever held it to her ear to talk to a friend. She texts, Snaps or Facetimes only. When I dare to call her, she never answers. I truly think she doesn’t know how to talk on a phone.

Recently, I have come to appreciate texting as a viable form of communication. In fact, I have found it to be quite a useful tool.

Texting is Not Just for Talking

  • Call your kid to dinner: Why shout and strain the vocal folds when texting in caps replaces the shrill voice?
  • Tell you kid to turn down her damn music: When I can hear Makena’s hip-hop and pop music from three floors away I realize she might just need to turn it down a tad. Obviously, the only way to get her attention is to travel the distance between us and then tackle her to the floor or send a simple text. I rotate the methods depending on whether I got enough exercise that day.
  • Text a safe word for help: When my daughter goes some place that she is not so sure about. I tell her to text me an agreed upon safe word. If I receive that word, I call, I mean text, her and tell her there is a family emergency, and I will come and get her right away. She gets to leave and save face.
  • Share information with coworker during a meeting: Sometimes this is necessary. Just don’t use it for evil. Resist the gossip and snarky comments about others in the room if at all possible.
  • Chatty friend + No time to talk = quick text: We all have friends we love who love to talk for hours. Texts make reaching out and getting through your To Do list Possible
  • Connect with your teen-use silly emoji’s: If Maddie is mad at me, so every minute of every day, I try to break the ice and lighten the mood by sending her a string of nonsensical emojis and try to convince her there is a message in them.
  • Make others laugh-especially with pics from Snapchat: This is one of the best apps out there. Some of the most fun I have had with my daughter or alone is using the crazy filters and sending fun pics out to friends and family. Try it! Spread some laughter. Everyone needs to laugh at least once a day.
  • Communicate even when service is bad: Not enough bars to call? Texting usually works. When my GPS takes me down deserted, dirt, mountain roads losing me where only black bears and coyotes roam, I can usually text my loved ones with my final words of love and goodbye. Unfortunately, this happens so often that they probably don’t even notice anymore.
While toddlers easily swipe their way through tablets and smart phones navigating all the apps like an Apple tech expert, I continue to shut my phone off when trying to take a photo. At least I can type words with one index finger (no dueling thumbs for me) and attach emojis and even the occasional GIF. I accept that my smart phone will always be smarter than me.

Sometimes You Just Have To Do The Smarty Pants Dance






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