I Want to be Lonesome Tonight: Finding Alone Time in My Unlonely World

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Being a loner who lives with three other people makes life interesting. I don’t want to be alone as much as I want to be left alone. I like knowing they are nearby. I find comfort in their love and even their company from time to time.

The problem lies in how to tell them to go away without seeming like an uncaring, jerk.

I was a loner as a kid. I spent hours in my room playing alone, watching TV, organizing my things, reading and just hanging out. I had just a few friends and that was fine. I have never been one to want or need dozens of friends. I don’t want or need to have someone to talk to or hang out with 24/7. Give me some Thai takeout, a bottle of wine and a good movie and I am in heaven.

Fortunately, my kids and husband are also happy on their own. I won’t claim they are loners like me, but they don’t push to be together all the time. My husband darts off to camp for a night or two or goes fishing in the local streams. My youngest daughter puts on headphones and dances the day away oblivious to what others say or do, slowly making herself deaf with the ear-piercing volume of her music. (Yes, I tell her constantly to turn it down to no avail.) My other daughter shuts herself in her room and, well I am not sure what she does but it involves lots of texting and selfies.

We eat dinner together most nights and share about our daily lives. Then we disperse to our different areas doing the things we like best, alone. I institute mandatory movie nights or game nights at least once a month. My youngest loves to create family time with games she makes up or dance parties or shows she puts on for us.

We like each other. We have fun together. We just like to be separate too.

When things get overly stressful and being alone in a different part of the house is not enough, I get away. Unlike my husband, I don’t have a camp in the woods waiting for me. This means I have to get creative.

Ways I Get Away

1. Go for long walks. I love my early morning strolls around the neighborhood or finding a park to hike around.
2. Send my husband away with the kids to visit family or do something, anything, someplace else
3. Rent a small house for a few days and nights where I will read, sleep, write, kayak and watch silly romantic comedies.
4. Drive someplace and listen to audiobooks or podcast
5. Go shopping for a few hours.
6. Spend time at a coffee shop writing and reading and people watching
7. Go to the movies alone. Sit where I want. Eat all the candy and the popcorn without that gross butter topping.
8. Send myself on a work conference and not tell any coworkers I’m going.
9. Sneak into a hotel pool for the day and sip a cocktail, read and listen to other people's conversations.
10. Go Kayaking on a quiet calm lake while sipping coffee and listening to the birds sing and the wind rustles the trees.

These moments alone are rejuvenating and healing. I get time to focus on nothing or on exactly what I want. Nobody is arguing or whining, at least no one I care about. No one is talking to me when I am trying to write or think or read. No none is asking me to do things for them. I am not tempted to clean or work or do anything I do not want to.

My alone time also reminds me how much I love my family. After a few hours, I miss them and their loudness and neediness. It allows me to return to them fully wanting to be there with them, at least until they start whining and arguing.

Those first thirty seconds back home after my respite are the best ever.