By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston
After my
second daughter came home, my husband ran into a neighbor who congratulated us
on our new baby. She followed this up with a comment on how good I looked for
just having a baby. When Jim told her we adopted, she insisted that I must have
given birth.
I saw this
neighbor everyday as I passed her house on my daily walk. I was perplexed as to
how she could think I had given birth to our six month old baby until I took a
good look at myself. I realized that my belly had grown immensely with my
stress eating. It looked as if I had just had a baby and was getting ready to
have another one soon.
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| Stages of a Belly in Pregnancy |
Once adoption
became a reality, I relished in the fact that I would not have to experience
all the discomforts and illnesses that pregnancy brings to so many expectant
moms. Boy was I wrong! Of course every pregnant woman knows to expect an array
of possible health related issues that she may or may not encounter as she
grows a baby in her womb. These might include:
1. Nausea
2. Backpain
3. Fatigue
4. High blood pressure
5. Gestational diabetes
6. Hemorrhoids
7. Incontinence
8. Heartburn
9. Stretch marks
The list goes
on to include even more serious conditions that could disappear after giving
birth, or become a lifetime battle. However, nobody really prepares the
adoptive mother for the fact that she too can and will experience health
issues.
With the
adoption process came overwhelming stress. The amount of stress cannot be quantified
or even aptly described. At times I felt like I was drowning in stress. There
are so many reasons why adoption is stressful. Just a few include:
1. Uncertainty of being matched.
2.
Loss
of control over your life.
3.
Questioning
of your self-worth.
4.
Worrying
about completing the adoption process.
5.
Second
guessing your decision to adopt.
6.
Worrying
about finances.
7.
High
expectations of the adoption.
8.
Excitement
and anticipation of meeting your baby.
9.
Mourning
the idea of having a biological baby.
10. Believing the myths perpetuated by the
media.
A pregnant
woman knows with fair certainty of what to expect, when to expect it, and how
to prepare. Parenthood through adoption does not come with that type of
predictability. Yes, things can go awry with pregnancy, but the average
pregnancy has a charted course with which we are all familiar. Adoption is a
wild ride and never the same twice.
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| A Great Resource |
The stress associated with the adoption of my first daughter went more unnoticed because
it was fast and exciting. The stress associated with the adoption of my second
daughter was intense. The agency we worked with, though not intentionally, put
us through the ringer with false promises and misleading information. It was
torturous.
In fact, my
husband and I had decided that the waiting and uncertainty was more than we
could handle after nearly a year of being teased. One night we made a pact; if
the adoption agency did not call within forty eight hours with a match we would
walk away and be a one child family. They called twelve hours later with the
news that we would be considered for another baby.
By the time our
baby came home, I was already overwhelmed with stress. The special challenges
she brought with her put me over the top. My mild sleep disorder evolved into
debilitating insomnia. My general feeling of nausea exacerbated and
hospitalized me. I became fully gluten intolerant. My fluctuating weight from
stress eating caused stretch marks. Carrying a six month old baby without the
benefit of gradually becoming stronger as the baby grew, first in my womb and
then in my arms, caused muscle strains and back pain. Before I knew it my list
of ailments grew and looked very similar to the list of health concerns of the
average pregnant woman
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