By: Elizabeth Redhead-Kriston
Every child deserves to hold a parent's hand. You have the power to make that possible. If you ever considered adoption but changed your mind due to the fears perpetuated by the myths of adoption, I am here to tell you the truths as I know them.
When my
husband and I realized that pregnancy was not in the cards and that our family
was meant to be born from adoption, we were worried about the costs we assumed
were involved in all adoptions. We had just spent copious amounts of money on unsuccessful infertility treatments and were still establishing ourselves career wise. We barely had enough money for groceries let alone for adoption fees. Just like most young couples, we were strapped with student loans,
car payments, and a mortgage. Coming up with thousands and thousands of dollars
would have been challenging.
However, we were still young and daring enough to take a chance; to roll the dice. So, we moved forward and did the leg work and research to make it possible
for us to become parents. We searched the internet, read pamphlets,
and talked to people. We looked into international adoption as well as private
adoption within the USA. We considered putting ads in the paper and we began spreading
the word. One of the pieces of advice we read and heard repeatedly was to tell
everyone you know and encounter that you want to adopt. You never know who
might be the connection to your next baby.
Meanwhile, I
was working in a career that connected me with infants, toddlers, and the
families who cared for them. As fate would have it, I began providing early
intervention services to a young child who resided with a foster family. I got
to know this lovely family and the children they fostered very well. Through my
experience and conversations with them, I learned more about foster care and the
foster-adopt option that I had overlooked and not included in my research.
Like so many would-be parents before me, this option scared me. Concerns about the children in foster care are common. It is assumed all of the children in care have been hurt and have complex physiological, psychological, medical, educational, and//or emotional needs. It never occurred to me that:
- Any child who is born could have complex needs. Foster children are not the only ones who may require more of our attention
- I have the skills, education, and ability to be, at the minimum, a competent and loving parent to any child.
- Not all children in the foster care system have any of those needs.
- All children deserve a forever family.
What’s an adoption subsidy?
"Ninety-one percent of the children adopted from foster care in 2014 qualified to receive an ongoing subsidy because they met their state’s definition for “special needs.” (In 2013-14, those families received an average of $782 per month.) The purposes of adoption subsidies are to remove the financial barriers that may prevent a family from adopting from foster care, and to ensure that a child’s special needs are met until he becomes an adult, between the ages of 18 and 22, depending on the state." (https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/how-to-adopt/foster-care-adoption/adopting-from-foster-care/)
The
subsidies were not a deal maker or breaker for us. However, subsidies provide low income would-be parents who want
to have a family with the financial support they require to
provide the necessities of daily living for their children. We all know that love and attention are not enough to
raise happy, healthy, and well-adjusted children. Children need secure home and family environments in which to flourish.
I realize
that pessimists exist and that thanks to the mainstream media, we Americans tend to distrust any systems that offer lower income families money. How often have
your heard or even thought, “They are just fostering for the money.” Or, “They
only adopted that kid because they get a check each month.” That cynical train
of thought is harsh and more times than not, untrue.
When we
brought our girls home and while they remained in adoptive placement (similar to foster care) they were eligible for free formula and food. Though we
could have found the income to cover the cost, we remembered that those systems exist
for a purpose. Bringing a child who has already lost so much into your home and
heart is stressful for all. We welcomed relief from the fiscal stress of caring for our child(ren).
The first time I went to the local market with my WIC checks in-hand I felt uncomfortable. The way the system works makes it blatantly obvious to anyone around you in the checkout line that you are using a form of government subsidies to pay. I felt the eyes of my judgmental neighbors boring into my back. I could sense their disapproving head shakes and annoyance. Not only was I using their taxes to pay but their wait in line was going to be a minute longer because of me. After the first few times I just stared back, smiling as I thought of my baby at home who I would get to hold and feed in just a few minutes. Nobody was going to take my joy from me.
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The first time I went to the local market with my WIC checks in-hand I felt uncomfortable. The way the system works makes it blatantly obvious to anyone around you in the checkout line that you are using a form of government subsidies to pay. I felt the eyes of my judgmental neighbors boring into my back. I could sense their disapproving head shakes and annoyance. Not only was I using their taxes to pay but their wait in line was going to be a minute longer because of me. After the first few times I just stared back, smiling as I thought of my baby at home who I would get to hold and feed in just a few minutes. Nobody was going to take my joy from me.
As we
proceeded through the process of becoming adoptive parents through the foster-adopt
system, we attended all of the classes we needed for free. We had our home-study
completed for free. All of the legal fees were covered. Our only costs involved
paperwork and criminal record checks. We were able to adopt our two beautiful
infant girls and grow our family without the stress of finding the money to
cover the exorbitant fees of the other adoption avenues.
Whatever path you choose will be the best one for you. My purpose is to let you know that if you open your mind to foster children, you might be able to make your dreams of a family come true and make the dreams of a child come true. You have the power to give them a hand to hold for life.
What are the barriers you face with adoption? Do you have helpful information about adoption fees and costs?
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I welcome your input and comments. I would love to know if you have ever considered adoption and, if so, what worried you about the process.
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