Perfectly Aged

By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

The other day my daughter asked my husband, What was the best age for you? Surprisingly he answered with thought and insight.

My husband has never been one to expose the fact that he can and does have deep thoughts. He prefers to keep things simple. Like a caveman, he grunts and shrugs his shoulders a lot when asked to pontificate on a personal topic. When pressed, he will huff out a semi-coherent response to questions that force him to tap into his emotions.

He told my daughter, after much prodding on her part, that his favorite age is right now. When asked why, he said, Because I get to be with you. I admit I was moved even though I couldn’t tell if he was being ironic. He loves sarcasm.

I believe his answer was genuine because we were at a restaurant after a long but good day with our girls. He had a perfectly seared rare Ahi Tuna steak and a cold beer in front of him. Life was good.

A few days prior, I spent some time with a dear friend who shared with me a book she was reading, Expectation Hangover by ChristineHassler. She revealed how it was helping her through a trying time in her life. She gushed over the author and told me about the various mental and emotional exercises within. The one she was currently working on challenged her to imagine what her perfect day would entail.

She took the challenge and mapped out her perfect day. Her response to what she wrote at first was to scoff followed by thinking, I can’t do those things because I don’t have all that I need. For example, my friend wanted to wake in the morning and slip into her hot-tub and meditate. She doesn’t have a hot-tub.

Rather than toss aside that identified need, she re-imagined it. She realized she has a regular tub and hot water. Why couldn’t she compromise a bit and soak in a tepid tub and meditate? She’s the best at making lemonade from lemons.

I recently had a birthday which, combined with those other experiences,got me to thinking about my perfect age and my perfect day. I believe I am nearing the halfway mark in my life which means I have a lot of years left to live. This is both daunting and exciting.

It is daunting because if I hurt this much at this age, what am I going to feel like at 90? It’s exciting because overall, I have had a full and interesting life, and I get many more years to do more stuff, meet more people, go more places, eat more food and drink more wine. Yowzah!

My life trajectory has been like most. My teen years were filled with uncertainty, unsureness, a roller coaster of emotions, and fears. Let’s just say I was a hot mess. My twenties were focused on me figuring out who I was and what I wanted. My thirties taught what it meant to be an adult. My forties were when I just started living my genuine life.

When I thought about my daughter’s question, I realized that my perfect age, hands down, is my forties. I loved turning forty and I celebrated with an amazing party in my beautiful yard with many of my family and friends. It was an extravagance, but it was the perfect way to mark the milestone of entering the fifth decade of my life. I treasure my memories of that day.

As a woman in my forties, I have finally learned to calm down and appreciate my life. I stopped worrying so much about what others think, and do what I want. At the same time, I started to become less selfish and self-absorbed, and appreciate each person in my life (this is an ongoing process). Most importantly, I really started to like myself because I was being myself. That has made me realize what it means to be happy, truly happy.

Now that I’m not working so hard at being someone I am not (read that convoluted phrase again), I have time to focus on what will make me better, stronger, happier. I have given myself permission to take care of me. I cannot tell you how this has improved my overall emotional state of mind. The quality of my life has improved tenfold. All aspects of my life are thriving: family, friends, career, hobbies, health…. Everything is better. 

Taking the cue from my friend and my desire to take care of myself, I spent some time imagining my perfect day. Maybe by allowing myself to know what would make me even happier, I can achieve even more.

Realistically my perfect day really requires a perfect morning, then everything else falls into place. Well, what I really mean is that by 1:00 pm I’m pooped.

15 Steps to a Perfect Day

1. I wake rested and refreshed to a warm sunny day. This has become easier now that my insomnia is under control.

2. I step outside into the fresh air and solitude only early mornings provide and go for a long walk or slip my kayak into still waters for a morning paddle. This is a bit more challenging as our region has more rain and clouds than the Pacific Northwest, and I don’t have a lakefront house (yet).

3. Next, I come home and make a delicious cup of coffee and sit to write while everyone sleeps. Of course, somebody usually wakes and my concentration becomes divided.

4. My family wakes and greets me as they ready themselves for the day without arguing and complaining. Hah. It rarely happens this way. The morning typically starts with arguing, but we try.

5. I slip off to work for a few hours to the job I love. On the weekends, I take my family on an adventure for the day exploring the community or cities around us.

6. I come home and take a short nap or meet a friend for lunch or coffee.

7. I wake or return and start prepping a delicious dinner.

8. I might work around the yard weeding or pruning my plants or clean the house a bit (I function best with things tidy).

9. I read for a bit. This might be Facebook posts or Instagram but reading is reading, right?

10. My kids talk to me about their day. Of course “talk’ means yell and bicker about how awful the other one is.

11. My husband comes home, cooks dinner and we sit as a family around the table talking and enjoying a meal together. We must avoid politics for this to happen.

12. The girls do the dishes and tidy the kitchen.

13. I watch a favorite show with my husband or maybe play a game with the girls. TV requires closed caption because the one child does not have a handle on her volume control.

14. I take a warm bath. This typically means getting that same warm and fuzzy feeling a from a glass of wine or two.

15. I slip off to bed by nine and sleep a deep and restful sleep. Maybe not so deep and restful, but definitely some sleep in between the night sweats and shaky legs (I didn’t say my forties were flawless)

Perfection!

Believe it or not, many of my days are pretty close to what I imagine to be perfect. I suppose writing it down will make it easier to accomplish. Writing it down helps to remember that I have what I want, except for that lake house.

At this moment in time, I feel perfectly aged. Maybe when I reach my fifties I’ll think back on my forties as another decade of learning how to get it right. Life is a journey full of adventures and missteps. All I can hope for is a bit of happiness tucked amongst the hard parts and the wisdom to hold those moments dear.

I agree with my husband that the best part of my life is the right now because I get to be with him, my girls and the real me.

Tell me your perfect day and if it is possible.