Cleanliness Does Not Equal Confidence: Being a Modern Mom

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

I consider myself a fairly organized and self-assured mom. At least I did until my printer mysteriously started delivering weekly guilt trips. Not long after my husband “fixed” our wacky printer, each week it spit out a colorful sheet. Initially, I blamed it on the kids printing something for school and then forgetting. Eventually, I got tired of seeing the paper sitting untouched in the printer tray, so I grabbed it.

At first glance it looked like some sort of list or journal entry. The next time I found it in the tray, I looked a bit more closely and saw it was something for “mom.” I halfheartedly investigated the now predictable weekly appearance of this sheet of paper by asking my husband about it. He shrugged it off. 

The relentless reappearance sparked a bit more interest and I quietly wondered what this newsletter was all about. However, it took my husband’s guffaws coming from the kitchen followed by him running into the living room shaking the paper and thrusting it toward  where I sat peacefully sipping wine as I watched TV and the dust piling up on the surfaces around me for the content of that mysterious newsletter to be revealed. 

My husband, who, with much guidance on my part, evolved into a feminist, well, a feminist with a twisted sense of humor rooted in the male chauvinistic life most of us were raised. His dichotomous life caused equal parts outrage and amusement at the words he read. As he reread the words on that paper over my shoulder, he awaited my reaction. My immediate and obvious outrage did not disappoint. He was practically dancing with giddiness!

It turns out that this newsletter he “inadvertently” signed-up for was entitled The Confident Mom. Based on the content, the writer of this newsletter walked women's rights backwards to the 1950’s. Certainly the author intended to be helpful, but the end result was ridiculous and a smidge offensive. 

Rather than a newsletter, it was a checklist of all the things good moms should accomplish daily and weekly. By completing these tasks mom's should be better able to provide a healthy and nurturing environment for their families to thrive.The top section lists 14 items moms should do each day, such as:

• Personal quiet time
• Make-up beds
• Prep for dinner
• Tidy kitchen
• Get Moving
• Ten Minutes of self-Care

I am not one to linger in the bathroom primping and preening, but even the most plain Jane needs more than ten minutes to “self-care.” By the time I have my daily constitutional and brush my teeth, my time allotted ten minutes is up. Perhaps by consolidating my “personal quiet time” with my "self-care" I’d have more time to complete all the tasks in the next section.

Under that list of daily tasks, came a calendar for the week which listed chores to be completed Sunday through Saturday. Clearly, the author of the list works as a writer and blogger. Just for fun I compared "her" days with "my" days.

Her Sunday: Make shopping lists-plan weekly menu-review family calendar-sweep and mop kitchen floor

My Sunday: Pretty much the same but I also grocery shop and cook meals for the week. I prod and yell at the rest of the family to do their chores. I also work at home.

Her Monday: Wash kids’ sheets-dust and vacuum kids’ rooms-dust and vacuum upper floors and stairs-dust and shine wall frames and mirrors.

My Monday: I go to work. I might vacuum.

Her Tuesday: Disinfect & wipe toilets-check toilet paper supply-dust surfaces in living area-vacuum the furniture-vacuum living area-check kitchen floor and sweep.

My Tuesday: I go to work. All that other stuff was sort of done by my husband and kids on Sunday. “Checking toilet paper” translates to screaming for help as we stare at the naked tube. Why would I even look at the kitchen floor on Tuesday? I just washed it on Sunday! It’s good for at least a week, maybe two. Can furniture be vacuumed? Perhaps I should try this.

Her Wednesday: Wipe the remote controls-wipe and clean one shelf in the refrigerator-wipe down the coffee maker-wipe out the microwave-wipe the kitchen light fixtures-clean tubs and shower

My Wednesday: I go to work. Wipe the remotes! Seriously? First I would have to find them and then pry them from the sweaty, sticky hand that holds them. Wipe one shelf in the fridge? You know if you wipe one then the others look dirty and the next thing you know you have the entire thing torn apart and you are throwing away condiments that expired in the seventies. Just walk away from that dirty fridge! Since I am the coffee maker, I am certain I do not need a wiping down, but then it depends on who is doing the wiping ;)

Her Thursday: Wash master bedroom sheets-clean master bedroom surfaces-declutter nightstands-vacuum master bedroom-clean bathroom sinks/shine mirrors-check kitchen floor

My Thursday: Did I tell you I WORK? Why make beds when the rooms have doors?

Her Friday: Wash kitchen floor-empty all trash-wipe down appliance doors-wipe down phones-wash bathroom rugs and floors-replace bath hand towels.

My Friday: Um, still working. What is happening to the kitchen floor that it needs so much attention?

Her Saturday: Water houseplants-kids straighten bedrooms-straighten car interior

My Saturday:  More work. I am probably nursing a mild hangover from the one too many glasses of wine I had Friday night. I am enjoying some much needed family time.

Just when you, the mom whom I am confident is exhausted and a touch resentful at all the cleaning-up you made yourself do, there is still more to do. You must complete other weekly tasks like paying bills, ironing, wiping down computers, cleaning the dryer vent (who does this weekly), tidying the front porch, and wiping out the silverware drawer.

After reading this "helpful list," I am confident that my choice to be a working mom with a somewhat dirty house who relies on the entire family, including my husband, to get the house we ALL live in and use clean enough is the best choice for me. Resources such as The Confident Mom seem to set the clocks back and put us in an era that feminists have fought so hard to leave. I want my kids to grow up watching their mom confidently juggle work and home. I want them to grow-up confident in their responsibility and ability to maintain a home and family not because they happen to be girls, but because they are equal members of a family. So I write this while sipping some wine on a beautiful Sunday knowing my house needs a good cleaning but confident that I am happy and fulfilled as I choose my passion over my responsibility. Cheers!