Subtracting Sheep and Counting Blessings: Coping with Insomnia

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Don’t count sheep, subtract them by sevens from a herd of 6,753. Keep going until you reach zero

My sleep deprivation of the previous ten years brought me to a precarious precipice where my sanity dangled and began to crumble into insanity. In order to stop the slow slide from evolving into an avalanche, I sought professional help. 

As I sat shivering in the threadbare, powder blue, cotton gown atop the padded table sheathed in crinkly, white paper, my bloodshot and bleary eyes stared blankly at the doctor’s chapped lips as his mouth formed words. His handsome face looked bored as he recited the rules of “good sleep hygiene.” Though I suppose I expected this lecture, it took all of my might not to hurl myself at this “sleep expert” and pummel him with the blunt, weak blows my exhausted body could only manage.

As I alluded, my rage was the result of my fragile psyche. After years of proactively trying to solve my worsening insomnia, this "expert" was my last resort. In my mind, or what was left of it, he was the one person who could save me.

I had provided him with a homemade detailed graph charting everything from my eating habits to my day to day health to my alcohol intake to a rating scale on the quality of my sleep in hopes that he would actually try to help me. When I first met him, I was optimistic because he was young. I mistakenly thought he would have knowledge of current research and an open-mind. I hoped he would take a real interest in my sleep patterns and how they were impacting the quality of my life. He appeared impressed with my charts and graphs and scales. He even pretended to look at them before he tossed them aside as he quizzed me on my bedtime routine.

Insomnia ruined my life. No mattered who I turned to, none gave me the answers or solutions I sought. None truly understood the devastating effects that ten plus years of sleep deprivation wreaked on my mind, body, and spirit. None understood that I was broken.

 10 Ways Insomnia Ruined My Life

1. I had no energy to play with, talk with, or spend time with my children.
2. My emotional state made it impossible to nurture my relationships with my husband, children, friends, and family.
3. I was unable to enjoy activities in the evenings as my bedtime was 6:00pm.
4. I had to cut my work load to part time which significantly reduced my salary.
5. Even when awake, I was not truly present.
6. My overall health suffered.
7. I spent countless hours and dollars on health care and unsuccessful remedies.
8. I was depressed and miserable.
9. I had anxiety and panic attacks.
10. Like a toddler, I had to nap at 1:00 everyday.

Despite my hopelessness, exhaustion, and despair, I remained proactive. I read articles. I sought advice and counsel. I researched the internet. I had an open mind and tried it all.

Approaches to Combat My Insomnia

• Pills including over-the-counter sleep aids, prescription sleep meds, anti-depressants, etc..
• Oils and aroma therapy
• Herbs and teas
• Acupuncture
• Massage including cranial-sacral therapy and shiatsu
• Psychotherapy
• Sleep Studies
• Sleep Hygiene
• Feng Shui
• Yoga
• Deep breathing/Meditating
• Counting Sheep
• No naps
• Exercise
• Diet restrictions like no caffeine or alcohol
• Crying until I thought I would drown in tears

Alas, nothing worked. The pills made me catatonic and sick. The acupuncture and massage made for some fun stories, but not sleep. The psychologist shrugged and said, “I don’t know why you can’t sleep.” The herbs and teas and oils did nothing except drain my wallet and make me gag. The lack of caffeine and alcohol made me more miserable, duh. The exercise helped me get through the day, but did not make sleep come. The crying made me appear red, puffy, and disfigured. The sleep studies revealed, and I kid you not, that I have a “moderate sleep disorder.” The Feng Shui made my husband crazy because he wanted a TV in the bedroom. With each failure I tried a new tack until there were no more to try. Or so I thought.

                            

                                                                         

                             Click Here for Link to Restful Insomnia

Thankfully, I remembered that I had a familial connection to a woman who created a program to help insomnia sufferers. In fact, she had written a book. I contacted Sondra Kornblatt and she agreed to send me her book, Restful Insomnia. From the very beginning of her book I realized I had discovered a person who understood not just what I was going through, but that the insomnia itself was a serious disorder that needed to be addressed.

At that time, doctors never treated me or my insomnia has a health crisis. I truly think they believed that I was just whining and I should get over it. Isn’t everyone tired? Doesn’t everyone have the occasional bout of “insomnia?” They swept me and my suffering under the rug and never put much effort into helping me. This caused me even more despair.

Now, Sondra, with her wise and kind words, validated me. That alone was life changing. Knowing that another human being understood that my disorder was real and was a problem caused me to cry with relief. No more puffy, red, shower, cry eyes for me.

As I read her amazing book, I discovered a whole new way to approach my insomnia- acceptance. Once I learned to accept my insomnia instead of fight it, I began to heal. More importantly, I learned to rest. I accepted that resting should be my goal which enabled me to adopt many of the strategies Sondra described. These strategies helped to ease me into rest and ultimately, gloriously, into sleep.

As I rested and even slept, my life changed. My anxiety and thoughts of suicide disappeared. My feelings of isolation and despair disintegrated. My insomnia did not magically vanish, but once I learned to rest, my days improved. Overall, my life improved.

Insomnia remains part of my life. Fortunately, I am in a place where I sleep more than I do not. When I have those nights where sleep eludes me, I rely on the techniques that Sondra taught, and I calmly rest. Often times, I drift off to sleep dreaming of mythical handsome doctor who lends me his hand and pulls me away from the edge of the cliff saving me before I slip away into the abyss of chronic sleep deprivation.

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My favorite resting technique: Gratitude. This technique works best when I feel myself awake and spiraling into panic mode. When I am tossing and turning and letting my mind worry about all the ways a sleepless night will ruin my day, I breathe deep and then force my brain to think of anything and everything for which I am grateful. Inevitably, as I form the list, unknowingly, I drift off. The next thing I know, I wake rested and happy.

What techniques help you fall asleep? Please share in the comments section.