By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston
"Just a boy and a girl in a little canoe
And the moon shining all around,
He paddled his paddle so
You couldn't even hear a sound,
And they talked and they talked
Till the moon grew dim,
He said you better kiss me
Or get out and swim
So what you gonna do in a little canoe
With the moon shinin' all a-
Boats floatin' all a-
Girls swimmin' all around."
Remember those days when the love you had for your life partner was young and fresh? Remember when you were young and fresh? No? Well me neither.
Being together with the man I love for over 20 years has been wonderful, mostly. We had tons of fun when we were kid-free and carefree. We loved to go on adventures. Just get n the car and drive through the countryside looking for antique shops and bars.
We spent many a lazy Saturday afternoon shooting darts at the Coney Island, drinking beers and hanging out with the regulars and our friends. We spent so much time inside, that the sun would blind us we reentered the word, a little drunk but blissfully happy.
Thursday nights, I would rush home from my night lecture on Educational Law, yawn, and join my man on the couch as we watched Must See TV including Friends and ER. We ate fresh tomato pizza and Caesar salad while drinking too much cheap wine.
Oh, that’s how I gained all that weight. Hindsight is 20/20.
Once we married, we tried to keep up our social and dating life. We attended parties, we joined a dart league, we went on vacations. But, the reality was, our dating life began to peter out. We bought a house that needed lots of updating. I found a career that required much of my time. Jim was traveling for work.
Our time apart became more than our time together.
Then we had kids. This meant that we had lots of time together, it just wasn’t the carefree, fun kind of togetherness we once shared. I am not saying kids can’t be fun. We do have lots of memories of having fun with our kids. It’s just that it’s not adulting kind of fun. If I am being honest, it’s more work than fun
Our kids came first, our jobs second, our home third, each other fourth and friends and family kind of just faded away
Because we chose to live far from family, we did not have cheap and easy babysitting available to us. Paying for daycare stripped us of most of our disposable income. Finding time and money to date my husband became increasingly difficult.
In order to keep our relationship alive, we recognized the need to be creative so that we could have time alone doing the things that connected us in the first place. Now that the kids are more or less self-sufficient, sneaking in dates is much easier, but we still use many of these tricks.
Ways to Make Mundane Things Dates:
1. A trip to my hairdresser can take an hour or two. This is the time that I enjoy away from home where I get to chit-chat with women and share funny stories. My hairdresser has a stocked bar, God bless her. On one occasion when the kids were being particularly difficult, my hubby came with me for my haircut. He sipped a martini while we laughed and commiserated with staff and clientele. Memories were made
2. Doctor appointments require much time in the waiting room. We have been known to hang out together keeping each other in stitches as we whisper about the other patients or the outdated articles in the periodicals strewn about the waiting room
3. Early morning fishing trips. We both love to be outdoors and fishing is a favorite hobby. When the kids are still asleep and the mist is still hanging on the lake, we sneak out and spend an hour or two paddling our kayaks and casting our rods. We will forever be competitive with who catches the most fish. Sadly, we rarely catch any. (do this only when the kids are old enough to be alone)
4. Grocery shopping. Nothing says love like thumping melons. No, actual melons. We slip out on Sunday mornings and visit the local grocery store taking our time perusing the produce and considering the sad seafood options. Sometimes we even look at the bouquets of flowers…so romantic.
5. Hiking. It’s not often but on rare occasions, I can convince him the take a walk or a hike with me. I get my exercise while spending time catching-up with my hubby. It’s a win-win.
6. Yard work. Without fail whenever the gardening gloves come out my kids disappear. Even if we work in silence, it's nice having him nearby as I weed and trim and dig and plant. Who else is going to haul away all the scraps?
7. Sending the kids away. Whether they spend the night at a friend’s, visit family for a week or just go to church, finding time to be alone in the house is golden. We can eat what we want, watch what we want, nap, and just have peace and quiet for a bit.
8. Football Sunday Browns vs Steelers Though counterintuitive, the rivalry between our teams has brought us closer together. We get so riled up that our kids scatter as we cheer and jeer the teams. Jim cooks loads of football food. We day drink. We play darts. We taunt and razz each other. It is the best time ever!
9. Visiting with friends and family. Our kids usually have other kids to connect with at these gatherings. We have time to talk with friends and remember what it was like to have a social life. Though we may not spend time with each other, it is nice to get out and talk to other adults. Afterward, we touch base and share stories of our night.
10. Back to school night and other school-based events. Nothing bonds a couple like being bored at school. Walking around the halls of a school, listening to teachers doing their best to make the classes they teach sound exciting, or suffering through school plays and concerts all spark the realization that you truly love your spouse. The torture of a school event forces you to appreciate the little things, even the things that annoy, about each other because anything is better than where you are at.
Early on in our relationship, we realized that we had to make accommodations to ensure that we survived the ups and downs of married life. There was a time when we could not get into a functional rhythm when we paddled our canoe. We were going in circles and barely containing our fury. It felt like our love was going to sink along with the boat we nearly crashed. Knowing that marriage is fragile and we had to be proactive to keep us afloat, we decided to put a motor on our canoe.
In every marriage, there will be times where you love and admire your spouse and times you want to strangle him or her. By making time and taking time to date, even if it is paddling side by side in kayaks because the motor let you down, then by golly do it.
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