By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston
Who knew that being able to make choices would continue to be so hard well into adulthood? I teach families of young kids to use choices for the purposes of teaching good speech and language skills as well as a way to help kids learn that making the right choice matters.
Somehow, it never gets easier.
The choices we make never really changes except that the stakes are greater the older we get. Toddlers need to choose between what juice, book or movie they want. Adults have to choose between what job, spouse or home they want. At the core, a choice is a choice, but the repercussions of making the wrong choice are much bigger the bigger the person gets.
I recently vacationed with a good friend. We rarely see each other so I was a bit nervous about how we would get along and how we would decide what to do with our time. Would we want to do different things? We would argue, or worse, remain silent and seethe with resentment because we didn’t get to do what each person wanted to? Would we still be friends at the end of our time together?
How would two adults make the choices needed for our trip to be a success?
Once we met at the airport, I Immediately remembered why we are such great friends for 28 years, we love to do the same things. It turned out that making choices was easy. We both wanted to hike easier terrain. We both wanted to read books, float in the pool, eat healthy food and drink wine. We both wanted to relax, not burnout on sightseeing.
Choices smoices.
Then we had to select a wine for dinner. I wanted an Oregon Pinot Noir she wanted a Napa Cabernet Sauvignon. I know. I know. First world problems. Snobby, elitist issues. But, as I said, a choice is a choice. In the end, we “compromised” and got the cab sav.
Like choosing a wine, adults make many superficial silly, but very real daily choices.
- What to eat for breakfast, lunch and dinner
- Which cereal to pick from the 1,000 on the shelf at the grocery store
- Which dog food to buy
- Which gas station to fill up our cars
- Which color nail polish to apply
- Which TV show, movie or album to listen to
- Which route to take to work
The list is endless. We make a gazillion little choices every single day. But even with these little decisions, if we make the wrong choice it can ruin our day. Take the wrong route to work, you could get stuck in traffic. Get the wrong dog food, your dog gets sick all over the carpet and then your late for work and have to pay for the rug cleaning dude. Buy the wrong gas, your car breaks down.
These small choices, if wrong, can make big problems
Making choices is often influenced by many factors and we do not always have the same choices as our family, friends, neighbors or coworkers. Our choices are shaped by many factors like location, training, opportunity, health, education, fears and even by our sex and race.
You might want to buy the organic, grass-fed meat but you can only afford the processed mass-produced kind. You might want to purchase fresh fruits and veggies for your family but you live in a food desert and only fruit snacks are available in your corner store. You might want to go to Harvard and become a neurosurgeon but you have a D average in school and an intense fear of blood.
In those cases, the choices were shaped by inherent restrictions. Nevetheless, you can count on the need to make some choices that will be challenging to make and will have a lasting impact on your life
Harder and more impactful choices are just as abundant but not needed as frequently.
- Which home to buy or rent
- Which person to marry
- Which job to apply for and accept
- Where to invest your money
- Where to vacation
- Which car to buy or lease
- Which college to apply to and attend
- What to major in at college
- What family and household rules will you enforce with your kids
- Whether or not to get a pet and what kind
- Choosing a Name for kids and pets
- Making decisions about health including doctor, procedures, shots, diet, exercise, etc…
The list of impactful decisions an adult has to make is as long and complicated as the simpler ones. Just when you think you have made them all, something new arises. You can never get away from making choices. All you can do is hope you make the right ones.
If a toddler picks the wrong shoes to wear on a rainy day, he’s got a parent nearby to help him find dry socks and slip on his rubber boots. Conversely, adults usually have to clean up their own messes and that usually means making more choices.
The best advice I can give is to think for yourself.
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