I Can’t Stop Talking About The Whole Town is Talking

By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Like most women from my time, I loved the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. I was astonished to learn that it was written by the comedic actress Fannie Flagg. I knew her from her antics on the Match Game. How could this same silly woman have written such an insightful and heart-wrenching novel?

Then I forgot about her.

One day I was perusing a used book sale and found another novel written by Fannie Flagg and I thought, “She wrote more than one book?” I paid my 50 cents and took the book home tucking into my need to read bookshelf. Years later I plucked it from the shelf and read it. I really enjoyed the book, though I cannot recall which of her many novels it was.

I find myself turning to Flagg’s books over and over especially after reading a very heavy novel. Her light-hearted and whimsical books are the perfect anecdote for the gloom and doom of many of the historical fiction books I love to read.

After finishing Donna Tartt’s The Goldfinch, I desperately needed a Flagg novel to put me on an even keel. The Whole Town is Talking, Flagg’s most recent novel, called out to me from my library and I downloaded the MP3 audio version to my Overdrive app. I spent the next week being cheerfully entertained my Flagg’s words read by Kimberly Farr.

This novel which they say was inspired by Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, with which I am not familiar, takes the reader on a generational journey as a small town in Missouri is made and then grown and then lost over generations.

We follow a family of Swedish immigrants evolve as they inhabit a small farming community and build Elm Wood Springs from nothing. This town’s first major project was the cemetery. This cemetery becomes the heart and soul of the town as one by one the founders and then their descendants begin to fill the plots.

This is not a gloom and doom book. Each person lives a full life and dies when it is “their time” as Flagg’s characters insightfully suppose. In this town, ordinary people live mostly ordinary lives. We get to know them and watch them grow and change and encounter day to day things. Somehow, Flagg is able to highlight unusual happenings, coincidences and quirky personalities to make this book charming and interesting.

Elner, a good-hearted, animal loving, fig jam making farmers wife has many quirks. Her good-hearted friendliness means she welcomes all types to her farm. Lost travelers happen upon her land and she welcomes them all preparing them a hearty meal and sending them off with a jar of her jam made from her fig tree.

Unbeknownst to her, she fed Bonnie and Clyde breakfast when they got lost. Another time she entertained a future president and his wife. Both of these chance encounters weave there way into the storyline of this whimsical novel.

Flagg leaves no twist unturned or loose end untied. Everything she writes eventually leads to something else. Even the cemetery built in the very beginning serves a major role in the lives of the Elmwood Springs residents.

I won’t’ give it all away.

Flagg has a knack for making the ordinary fun and interesting. Her books are not dark and twisty. She even manages to make potentially bad things feel conventional. She keeps the overdone crisis to a minimum.

When I need a drama free, smart and funny book, I always turn to Flagg. She makes even the gloomiest of days seem sunny. I definitely need more sun

Why So Touchy? Thoughts on Sensory Processing Differences

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

The other day a mother retold the story of how her toddler ate all the fur off of his stuffed dinosaur. It took everything in me to not vomit at the thought of this. In fact, just typing this is making my belly roil and I may have to excuse myself.

Years ago I used to use a stuffed dog puppet to help kids overcome sensory processing and feeding disorders. This dog had a slit in its throat which allowed it to "eat" cookies. The cookies were small squares made from a variety of textured fabrics. Every time I brought this toy out, I had to stifle my gags.

It wasn't lost on me that while I was trying to help kids overcome their sensory processing issues, I was strengthening my own aversions.

Working with kids who suffer from severe sensory processing disorders has made me become more in tune with my own aversions. Realizing that I have trouble processing certain sensory information has strengthened my sense of self. Understanding what sets me off and why has helped me be a better mother and person. 

Knowing what tips my sensory scales allows me to avoid the triggers or at least explain why I am acting like a disorganized emotional fool.

According to the STAR Institute, a sensory processing disorder can be defined as: 

A neurological disorder in which the sensory information that the individual perceives results in abnormal responses.

I have yet to meet a person that does not have trouble processing some sensory information. Either our bodies under respond to sensations and we seek more information-think about those who eat spicy foods, shake their legs incessantly, or keep the volume up painfully loud- or those who become overwhelmed by sensation-think of those who don't like strong smells, eat bland food, or like the lights dim.

I know people who gag at the texture of yogurt. I know people who freak out when styrofoam squeaks. Everyone has quirks and oddities.

That's what makes the world an interesting place.

I have discovered that beyond fur on stuffed animals-GAG-I have trouble regulating my mind and body when I encounter strong smells. The worst form of torture for me is Bath and Body Works. I can't even walk past the store without swooning from the scents and not in a good way.

Any store that has the word "Country" in it, I avoid as I know the stench of candles and herb encrusted crafts will make me insane in the brain. I never wear perfume or cologne because it overtakes all my ability to focus and attend to anything except the way I smell. 

My husband bought me deodorant the other day and it was not scent free. I wore it for one day, two weeks ago, and I can still "smell" it on me. 

If I stay in a hotel room where someone smoked once, ever, I become nauseous, I get headaches and I can't sleep. Just ask my friend Sharon how our fun trip to Atlantic City was ruined by The Donald and his stupid hotel and the "smoke-free" rooms. Of all the heinous things he has said and done, that will be the thing for which I will never forgive him.

Loud noises make me crazy. Seriously, I get crazy and again, not in a good way. I cannot think or focus when things get loud. The irony is that my daughter has a sensory processing need for things to be very loud. As you can imagine that makes life in our house VERY challenging. 

While she is pumping up the volume, I am cranking it down. Because she is rendered deaf by her blasting earbuds she can't hear me yelling to TURN IT DOWN!! I have to get loud for things to get quiet.

That lasts for about five seconds before her sensory needs compel her to turn it back up. The cycle is neverending until one of us gives up and leaves.

Good times....

Little kids can't express their sensory processing needs or aversions. Often times they act out and we adults interpret it as misbehaving. Kids do not have the language or the understanding of how the body works to know to avoid the things that set them off or make accommodations to get the input they crave.

If their bodies feel like they are floating in space because their sense of touch is low, they crash, hit, throw, destroy, bounce, flip, climb and all types of risky and possibly destructive behaviors. Adults who don't understand the underlying reason for these behaviors react when they should adapt.

There are tons of resources available for parents who suspect their kids might have a sensory processing disorder. One of my favorites in The Out-of-Sync Child by Carol Stock Kranowitz. It's an easy to understand and follow guide on sensory processing disorders.

Perhaps you are an adult who has always wondered why you seem to struggle with day to day life when others seem to coast through their days without feeling out of sorts. You might have an undiagnosed sensory processing disorder. 

Taking the time to understand the sensory system and how one that is not working well can disrupt your life is worth the time. 

What are some things that set your senses off?

You Can't Touch This!!! 

I Can't Drive Fifty-Five and Other Ways Law Abiding Citizens Break the Law

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

I spend a lot of time in my car driving between houses, crossing counties and traversing unfamiliar towns. Sometimes I get confused by what the speed limit is, where the stoplights and stop signs are or where a school zone begins and ends. This causes inadvertent moments of breaking the law.

I'm not going to lie. I do speed. On purpose. Always.

I don't speed excessively. What I mean is, I speed just five to seven miles over the posted (or assumed) speed limit. I'm not crazy. I'm not looking to hurt anyone or get a ticket. I just feel the need for speed.

Aside from this habitual divergence from the law, I follow the rules. I'm not a rebel without or with a cause. I am a good girl, I promise.

My Catholic upbringing prevents me from being bad. The guilt would kill me.

I can't help but wonder, what other laws or rules might be okay for me to break if I was feeling restless and disobedient? 

I have seen many others push the limits of the law without crossing the line into felonious acts. Perhaps I may have rashly committed one or more of these rulebreaking deeds. Just in case you also have the urge to be bad but are to goody-two-shoes to dive into the dark side, I have compiled a list of a few ways you can exercise your dark side without getting arrested (I hope).

Ten Laws To Break Without Breaching Your Moral Code

1. Eat grapes from the bins in the produce section. I mean, they leave them sitting there in the wide open. Plus, the pesticides will poison you slightly so the punishment is built into the criminal act.

2. Park at a store right below the "Parking is for Customers Only" sign and don't patronize it. Also, use the bathroom. Oh you know you've done it too.

3. Turn left at a stop light that won't change when no one else is on the road. Who has time to wait for imaginary traffic?

4. Crossing the street, while walking or running, against the red light. Keeping the heart rate up is crucial for cardiovascular health.

5. Organic littering. If that banana peel or apple core stays in the car all day its gonna stink, get slimy and attract bugs.

6. Not pointing out the pricing error or missed item when checking out at the store. You know they have overcharged you numerous times. It all comes out in the wash. Right?

7. Nibbling on the food from your dinner date's plate when he bought the "all you can eat" buffet and you didn't. It just smelled so tasty. You're only human.

8. Playing on the swings and slide even though the sign says "Playground for Kids 12 and Under Only." A kid at heart should have a place to play too.

9. Ripping tags from mattresses and couches. I double dog dare anyone to arrest me for that... Well not really, I just hate big ugly tags.

10. Not cleaning up after your dog when she pooped in the woods at the park. It's so hard to find. It's not your fault she was off the leash and wandered into the woods to do her business. What? Oh, right. The dogs are supposed to be on a leash at the park... I guess that's a double ding on the lawbreaking.

Okay so maybe I have done all of these things. That doesn't make me a criminal. Does It? I'm not admitting to these things. I'm just saying it's a possibility

Oh, come on Mr. or Mrs. judgy pants. You've done it too! Haven't you?

A Change Would Do Me Good: How Losing My Health Insurance May Improve My Life

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Fall is a time for change. We get a brief glimpse of colorful beauty before the harsh reality of cold days and long nights settles in. Despite our resistance to the oncoming winter, we adjust. We adapt. We turn up the heat and dress in thick sweaters. We eat hearty foods and sleep longer. We make the best from what we can not change. In the end, we may even enjoy it.

I think we can all agree that most change is hard. I don't know too many people who welcome change. Even changing a hairstyle is fraught with indecision, and second-guessing, and stress.

Unfortunately, change is part of life. When the school district moved the 6th graders from the elementary building to the middle school, parents across town were angry and concerned. After all the commentary and angry posts on social media, it turned out to be a better fit for those older kids who were tired of having to line up and march to the bathroom or lunchroom. By 6th grade, they were ready for some autonomy, some independence. The kids handled the change better than the adults

Sometimes changes work out for the best. Sometimes they do not.

Some changes feel like a cyclone is wrecking our lives

My most recent experience with forced change arrived with the blow that I a losing my health insurance. This is a very inconvenient and scary change. Losing my health insurance means that I will have to find and fund my health coverage.

Of course, I am scared and worried about so many things:

• The money. Will I be able to afford insurance?
• The coverage. Will I be able to find insurance that will provide coverage for all the needs I have or will have in the future?
• The search. Where do I even begin?
• The time. I barely have enough time to get things done in my day. How will I find the time to find and secure health coverage before the month runs out?

Rather than allowing myself to become overly stressed and consumed with worry and anxiety, I am choosing to find the positives. Believe it or not, even in the most stressful and scariest of times, we can choose to see the glass half full. By gosh, I'm going to do that.

3 Ways Losing Health Insurance Could Improve My Life

1. Perhaps, I can find an insurance plan that is a better fit for me and my family. I currently have horrible health insurance. It costs a fortune and has a very high deductible and co-pay. I rarely visit the doctor because, in spite of having coverage, I still have to pay exorbitant amounts of money for tests and visits. Instead, I choose to diagnose and treat myself and use Urgent Care for emergencies. This is not the best way to maintain good health and the long-term repercussions could be many.
2. Learning to enjoy the little things in life. This is a major change which will definitely impact our monthly income and spending choices. We will have almost no disposable income because of the expense of healthcare. By not being able to go and do as many things, we will have to return to a simpler way of life. We will be taking stock of what we have and adjusting our perspective about what makes for good leisure time activities. We just may have a better quality of life.
3. Making a career change. One of the hardest things we adults have to decide is when or if it's time to switch jobs. It is scary to delve out into the unknown. We become comfortable and complacent in our careers. A new job means new coworkers, bosses, rules and job responsibilities. We underestimate our abilities to thrive in a new place of employment. We can and will adapt. Perhaps, we may even discover we like the new job better. New work might mean moving and becoming part of a new community which can lead to many great things. Maybe you will fail, but at least you tried. Sometimes a push like losing healthcare is the impetus we need to do what we are too afraid to do on our own.

I am not happy about the change in status from covered to not covered. I am scared about the unknowns. I am not going to let this get me down. I will adjust and we will find a way to make this work. 

Even Cheryl Crow thinks a change would do you good

So as colder days and longer nights creep toward me, I will be embracing much change. I will take a cue from those 6th graders who adjusted and learned to appreciate their change. I believe even this change will do me good.

What life changes have you experienced that have made you better and stronger?

Regret It Then Forget It: Choosing to Live without Regrets

By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

image plucked from //axtschmiede.com/regrets/

Social media is a hotbed of misunderstandings. A while back I got into a war of words over the concept of living without regret. After responding to a family member who was feeling regretful for a bad decision, I attempted to show her some support by proposing this cousin let go of her regret and embrace the lessons she learned. Appalled and misunderstanding my intent, my uncle made his feelings known. His mistake was confusing regret with remorse.

There is a difference.

Regret is more about wishing you hadn’t done something and trying to avoid negative consequence for yourself. Remorse leads to deep sorrow, guilt and then a confession and apology. Remorse guides you to make amends for wrongs done. Regret just makes you feel bad about your self and wallow in self-pity

I have allowed myself to wallow in regrets. I saw a meme not long ago that said something like, 

Dear person, If I, in anyway, made you feel awkward or uncomfortable by what I said or did, just know I will think about it everyday for the next 50 years. 

That describes me to a T. At least the old me.

I’ll admit that this older me does far fewer things that I might feel regretful about than the younger old me. The young me was nervous and unsure about everything. My low self-esteem made me awkward and stupid. I rarely took the time to think before I acted or spoke. 

This made for many a faux pas that got me in hot water and even cost me some friendships.

Sometimes my regrets morphed into remorse. More times than not it just made me sad and anxious and cost me precious sleep at night. 

When my actions were bad enough that I hurt another person, I immediately felt remorse. With remorse, I would undoubtedly apologize and try to make amends. With regrets, I just hid and hoped no one noticed.

I regretted many things. Mostly little things that really had no impact on anyone or anything aside from my self-worth and self-confidence. Once I recognized that, I decided to take control. I decided to view regrets differently.

Learn From Mistakes

Rather than try to undo the minor infractions and punish myself for being human. I decided to learn from my mistakes. I even tried to laugh and my ignorance and innocence.

Regret: 

Once I asked a guy I knew, who played in a Reggae band, “Are you packing your Jimmy Hat for the concert?” In my mind, a Jimmy Hat was a brightly colored knit cap that Rastafarians wore. I thought I was being clever and cute. He looked shocked and amused as he said, “I guess so, why?” Confused by the look he gave me, I realized I had made a major error. Later, I learned that a Jimmy Hat is not worn on the head, well not the one atop person’s neck anyway.

This is not a Jimmy Hat

I regretted this little error and let it eat away at me for years. Seriously, for years I would recall this incident and burn with embarrassment like it had just happened. What a waste of time and energy!

This was not the only incident that resurfaced causing me to become full of anxiety and self-loathing. Like everyone else, I had hundreds maybe even thousands of things I had done or said since I was a kid that ate away at me.

Regret vs. Remorse

In middle school, I fractured my ankle. I spent a few weeks on crutches and my classmates helped me lug my books up and down the steps as we changed classes. For picture day my mom bought me my first pair of heels. The day before picture day I was still using crutches. When I showed up to school wearing heels the next day, it did not go unnoticed. This was a regretful choice on my part and I have never done that since but neither have I broken a body part since, but I am sure I have learned from that mistake. Full disclosure: I never wear heels so there is that too.

A few months later another girl was on crutches for a broken leg. None of us helped her carry her books up and down the steps. When she approached me and pointed out the injustice, I ignored her. (I have revealed in past blogs that I was a middle school asshole and this proves it). I grew remorseful about this and I hope I apologized but can’t remember. If you are reading this, I am so sorry Vicky N!

Something had to give.

If I did not take control of my penchant for feeling regret daily, I would implode and end up in the loony bin. Now I regret saying looney bin. That has to be a term that is no longer sensitive. Oh crap. Now I feel remorseful for the people I have hurt by writing loony bin. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t write loony bin again. Starting...now!

See, I have learned to turn my remorse into learning experiences and as an opportunity to improve myself, to become a better person. I decided to dust off my ego and realize that most people do not remember my day to day mistakes and have their own regrets to lament. They have no time to replay my minor infractions in basic acceptable behavior and judge me.

I wish I knew that years ago.

Had I known this years ago, I would have slept more. I would have fewer wrinkles and smaller bags under my eyes. I would have put more energy into growing and learning and enjoying life.

I still have a lot of years to live and I look forward to spending less time regretting and more time living in the moment. I choose to learn from my mistakes and learn new things like what a Jimmy Hat is.

This is going to be a great new chapter because if I don't change I will end up in the madhouse. Is that better than loony bin? Oh crap! Okay, starting.....now.