I Can't Drive Fifty-Five and Other Ways Law Abiding Citizens Break the Law

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

I spend a lot of time in my car driving between houses, crossing counties and traversing unfamiliar towns. Sometimes I get confused by what the speed limit is, where the stoplights and stop signs are or where a school zone begins and ends. This causes inadvertent moments of breaking the law.

I'm not going to lie. I do speed. On purpose. Always.

I don't speed excessively. What I mean is, I speed just five to seven miles over the posted (or assumed) speed limit. I'm not crazy. I'm not looking to hurt anyone or get a ticket. I just feel the need for speed.

Aside from this habitual divergence from the law, I follow the rules. I'm not a rebel without or with a cause. I am a good girl, I promise.

My Catholic upbringing prevents me from being bad. The guilt would kill me.

I can't help but wonder, what other laws or rules might be okay for me to break if I was feeling restless and disobedient? 

I have seen many others push the limits of the law without crossing the line into felonious acts. Perhaps I may have rashly committed one or more of these rulebreaking deeds. Just in case you also have the urge to be bad but are to goody-two-shoes to dive into the dark side, I have compiled a list of a few ways you can exercise your dark side without getting arrested (I hope).

Ten Laws To Break Without Breaching Your Moral Code

1. Eat grapes from the bins in the produce section. I mean, they leave them sitting there in the wide open. Plus, the pesticides will poison you slightly so the punishment is built into the criminal act.

2. Park at a store right below the "Parking is for Customers Only" sign and don't patronize it. Also, use the bathroom. Oh you know you've done it too.

3. Turn left at a stop light that won't change when no one else is on the road. Who has time to wait for imaginary traffic?

4. Crossing the street, while walking or running, against the red light. Keeping the heart rate up is crucial for cardiovascular health.

5. Organic littering. If that banana peel or apple core stays in the car all day its gonna stink, get slimy and attract bugs.

6. Not pointing out the pricing error or missed item when checking out at the store. You know they have overcharged you numerous times. It all comes out in the wash. Right?

7. Nibbling on the food from your dinner date's plate when he bought the "all you can eat" buffet and you didn't. It just smelled so tasty. You're only human.

8. Playing on the swings and slide even though the sign says "Playground for Kids 12 and Under Only." A kid at heart should have a place to play too.

9. Ripping tags from mattresses and couches. I double dog dare anyone to arrest me for that... Well not really, I just hate big ugly tags.

10. Not cleaning up after your dog when she pooped in the woods at the park. It's so hard to find. It's not your fault she was off the leash and wandered into the woods to do her business. What? Oh, right. The dogs are supposed to be on a leash at the park... I guess that's a double ding on the lawbreaking.

Okay so maybe I have done all of these things. That doesn't make me a criminal. Does It? I'm not admitting to these things. I'm just saying it's a possibility

Oh, come on Mr. or Mrs. judgy pants. You've done it too! Haven't you?