OCD for Dirty

By: Elizabeth Redhead-Kriston

I walked into the house and winded my way around the tight quarters through the kitchen into the living room. As I moved through the unfamiliar house, I carefully watched my step as the floor was littered with detritus.

In the kitchen, someone dumped their bowl of cereal from breakfast on the floor not bothering to clean it up. Were they saving it for a late morning snack? A dirty diaper sat inches from the garbage pail like a deflated, stinky ball that missed the basket. Shoes and “clean” laundry were scattered about the floor.

The living room floor was carpeted with markers, blocks and Matchbox cars. One of the toy cars looked as if it had caught on fire. It was engulfed in smoke. Beyond the rising smoke, I noticed a shift in the lump of blankets piled high on the couch. From within the mound of quilts, a tousled head of hair emerged from beneath the filthy folds. With the suddenness of a frog’s tongue capturing a juicy fly, a hand shot out and snatched a lit cigarette from beneath the toy car. Slowly, after pushing aside the layers of blankets that enveloped her, a woman emerged from her cocoon and sat up to take a drag of her Camel.

As she smoked, still half asleep, I used my feet to clear a small island of carpet to place my bags and take a seat. The toddler I was there to visit was excited to play and see all the fun things I brought. While his caregiver finished her morning cigarette, flicking the ashes onto the floor, I lowered myself down double checking that I was not going to impale a Lego into my butt cheek, and sat in the newly cleared space. Within a split second, I leapt up as I felt a cold wetness saturate my pants. This is the sensation that home visitors loathe the most. 

The dreaded wet spot causes much shuddering and disgust.

The wet spot can be found just about anywhere, on a couch, on a floor, or on a kitchen chair. Most of the time it is invisible, imperceptible. No matter where it is, two things run through my mind as soon as I feel it soak into my pants: 1) What the @!&* did I just sit in, and 2) Will it show when I stand up?

The only thing worse than the wet spot is the sticky spot. The sticky spot is more elusive and rare than the wet spot. It usually goes undetected for long periods of time not making itself know until I shift my weight or try to stand-up. A distinctive ripping sound fills the air as pants peel away from the floor or chair that are coated with the mystery substance. Two things fill the mind: 1) What the @!&* did I sit on, and 2) I hope that was not a hole ripping in my pants.

Either scenario requires the check. Of course, the goal is to not make an uncomfortable moment more uncomfortable. Quietly and gingerly I try to discover what I sat in and the resulting damage. The thought of touching the wet spot is revolting. Turning my head and craning my neck to see the evidence on my ass might draw unwanted attention and requires more dexterity than my 48 years allows. Sniffing the spot and examining it for color clues can be awkward as well.

The best tactic involves pretending to need something like a tissue or a glass of water to get the parent out of the room long enough to complete the reconnaissance needed. Inevitably, if I am at the house with the coworker she is laughing, pointing and mocking me while pretending to be concerned. If the offending liquid cannot be identified, I must ask mom if junior spilt his juice earlier and hope the answer is yes. Juice drenchings are much preferred to the inevitable urine or vomit soakings.

There are many types of careers that require home visits: Nurses, Teachers, Social workers and Early Interventionists to name a few. We find ourselves in all kinds of homes daily working closely with children and adults. Most who embark on this career love working with people in their homes for a variety of reasons. Getting to know people in the intimate environment of their homes is a unique experience that allows one to learn so much about the human condition. We become familiar with all kinds of people, their cultures and their beliefs. It is a multi-layered approach to earning a living while learning about all the people who live in our communities. The rewards far outweigh the few negatives.

Houses like this one are not the norm. Most people try to keep their homes tidy, especially when they expect visitors. However, a few fine folks have never really grasped the concept of clean. The bar for clean is not a set one, no steadfast standard exists. One person might think clean means that the clutter is put away, but never really wipes down things. Another person might find the streaks left behind on a freshly washed shiny floor unacceptable, or bristle with irritation if the vacuum lines on the deep pile carpet are not uniform. I fall somewhere in between those standards, between the filthy and the hyper clean.

10 Things Annoyingly Clean People Say

1.  “I’m so sorry. My house is a pig sty.” Then she races to wash the one stray spoon left in the sink in the otherwise immaculate kitchen.

2.  “I have company coming this weekend and I am panicked about where they will put their shoes.”

3.  “I was up at midnight washing my windows.”

4.  “I found footprints on my vacuum lines! Can you believe it?”

5.  “Don’t sit in that room, it’s just for looking.”

6.  “Sit on top of the plastic covers.”

7.  “I only let my kids eat popsicles naked in the tub.”

8.  “I tidy my house before the cleaning lady comes because I don’t want her to think I’m a slob.”

9.  “My bed is made everyday.”

10. “My clothes are organized by color.”

The people who wade through trash daily are a unique group who don’t just live in filth, but continually lament about how all they do is clean, clean, clean. These people I do not understand. Is their concept of clean so different than the norm that they can’t recognize how the stack of dirty dishes that has overflowed from the sink, to the counter, to the table to the floor is not, in fact, clean? Are my standards too high?

These folks who claim to clean all day yet live in a home that resembles a trash heap, I have decided, are “OCD for dirty.” Maybe when they say they spend all day “cleaning” what they are really saying is that they spend all day organizing the filth. It boggles the mind.

While I don't understand how one can spend the day cleaning and overlook the pile of dog poo in front of the TV, I really try not to judge them, too much. Everybody has different priorities and different standards of living. All I ask is if I come to your home and get ready sit down on top of a wet spot, please tell me to stop.

7 Ways to Know if Your Home is Too Dirty

1. The cockroaches look for ways to escape

2. You sit on the floor because too much stuff covers your furniture

3. You eat from paper plates even though you have dishes, dirty dishes

4. The bottoms of your feet or socks are permanently black from walking around your house

5. You kiss your kid goodnight then you have to peel your lips away from his sticky face

6. You can’t see your face in the bathroom mirror through the toothpaste film

7. You can’t remember if you have hardwood floors or wall to wall carpeting