Dear Doctor: A Letter from a Middle-Aged Woman

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Dear Doctor,

Please know that I am a strong and independent woman. I do not like to admit that, sometimes, I need help. I like to try and fix things myself. I like to pretend I don’t hurt and trudge through life suffering the minor aches and pains that come with illnesses and aging.

Know that I have inherited a variety of ailments and debilitating conditions. I have witnessed my own mother bear-up and push through excruciating pain throughout her life. Know that I want to be strong like her, to manage my chronic illnesses while accomplishing and achieving my dreams. Know that I don’t have time to be held down or back, it’s hard for me to make time to see you.

Know that when I come to you and admit that I am weak or hurting, it’s pretty significant. I am not messing around.

Over the years, I have encountered many doctors that, rather than help to heal me, have hurt me, insulted me, disregarded me. Your doctor friends left me unhelped and unhealed. Please know that, even in the age of the internet and natural remedies, I still need you. I understand that you are over worked. I realize the insurance companies have made your job virtually impossible, but I still need you.

I thought you might benefit from learning from your mistakes. Fortunately, I am willing to point out some of the things that you did or said that hurt more than they helped. This is my way of helping you help me

Things a Doctor Shouldn't Say:

• “You’re lying.”
• “If only you were a better mother.”
• “It’s just part of getting older.”
• “I don’t know what’s wrong, but take these pills.”
• “You don’t have the listed symptoms, so you don’t have _________."
• “Your blood work came back normal, so nothing is wrong with you.”
• “I am the best.”
• “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”
• “I need to see you back in two months. My next available appointment is in 5 months.”
• "I heard you are upset about waiting so long and now you have to rush this appointment. You know I am a doctor and what I do is important."

 Things Doctors Should Say

• “I don’t know, so I’ll find out.”
• “I don’t know, so I am referring you to best specialist”
• "I’m sorry you waited so long. I know your time is valuable. I’ll speak to my office staff about scheduling my appointments better.”
• “Tell me what you think is wrong.”
• “The test results don’t show a problem, but clearly something is wrong so we will keep trying to figure it out.”
• “I reviewed your chart. Let’s talk about how you have been feeling since the last time you were here.”
• “I want to order some tests and lab work. Tell me about your insurance and we’ll see how we can make this work for you.”
• “Your symptoms don’t align with the what we are thinking, but everyone is different so we’ll keep looking.”
• “Insomnia is a very debilitating condition that can impact your physical, mental, and emotional health, so we need to figure out how to get you sleeping.”
• “I know taking prescriptions is not your preferred option. Let’s talk about lifestyle changes and natural remedies.”
• “I would love to be able to take you on as a new patient, but my case load is at capacity. Please see my colleague _____. He/she is a very talented physician who I highly recommend.”

Doctor I come to you for help. I come to you for your knowledge and healing abilities. I come to you to talk and have you listen. I come to you because I can’t heal myself.

Please take the time to get to know me. Please take the time to understand me. Please take the time to believe me and guide me.

If you respect me, I will respect you. If you trust me, I will trust you. Let’s work together to make me healthy.

Best Regards,                                                       

Liz Kriston
Former Patient