Bucket List Blunders

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

Should I be worried? Recently, I noticed that I have been inadvertently crossing items off my theoretical Bucket-List. I feel healthy. At least as healthy as a decrepit insomniac can. Does my brain know something that my body doesn’t? Should I call my doctor? If only I could remember her name.

My mind is aging just as quickly as my body. So, maybe I should just relax and enjoy all of the fun and exhilarating experiences. Who knows how long I will be able to remember them? Did you say something? I can’t hear you. My presbycusis is settling in. Did I spell that correctly? Let me grab my readers. The old eyes ain’t what they used to be.

What was I saying...? Oh yeah, I am too young and healthy to have an actual Bucket-List (though I do love a good list). Yet, I find myself enjoying those experiences I always thought I might like. Perhaps the fact that my children are finally old enough to either ignore or bring along bolstered my adventurous side.

Now that we no longer have to attach a trailer for all of the kid paraphernalia, we are freer to travel more places. My motto: “If it can’t fit in a carry-on, you don’t need it” has exponentially lightened our load. Plus, stuff I might need is sold everywhere, at least everywhere I’ll go. No hiking into the bush for me thank you very much. I require a bed, a toilet, and a box of wine

Years ago, I crossed off my first Bucket-List item: I ate at a Cracker Barrel. Possibly, the fact that the entire experience from the long wait to the crowded and noisy dining room to the overpriced gift shop to the salty, greasy, and tasteless food should have taught me that what we think we want isn’t really what we truly desire. Yet, here I am, still trying to satisfy my heart’s and mind’s desires.

I read once that the true health benefits of doing something adventurous is the planning itself. The rush of adrenaline, the feelings of anticipation, and the dreaming of what it will be like are the best parts of reaching beyond the humdrum of daily life. This is so true.

I know I feel the happiest in the planning stages. In fact, more times than not, I feel a bit let down when I am immersed in the thing I thought I truly wanted. Like when I was eating my greasy, soggy, bland hash browns at Cracker Barrel.

After returning from the big event, vacation, or even a restaurant I feel tired, deflated, and poor. But the reality is, the more miserable the experience, the better off I am in the long run. Being able to share disastrous stories of epic fails is fun. It makes friends and family, who may have been a bit envious feel better too.

As I tick off items on my Bucket-List, I am not too sad that none have really gone as I imagined. Some of my best stories involve minor car crashes, boat damage, burnt and cold overpriced gourmet meals, and lost luggage. Hospital visits, getting lost in foreign countries, and jelly fish stings are so much more engaging conversation starters than describing the perfect getaway.

My Bucket-List blunders are actually wins as I experienced the exhilaration of planning and fantasizing; the chance to actually do that thing; and fun disaster stories to share afterwards.

7 Bucket-List Blunders

1. Hot air ballooning in New Mexico: After waking in the wee hours of the morning to be transported into the freezing cold desert where we were promptly put to work inflating the balloon, I chickened out and spent the day in the chase vehicle as my
   
   mom and sister soared above the barren landscapes. The chase guy and I traversed the dusty and rocky roads through private ranches and Indian reservations as I feared we would be shot for trespassing. In the end, we enjoyed a champagne toast and a yummy brunch.
2. Bruno Mars concert: Ever since he crooned that he wanted to be a billionaire, I longed to witness him live in concert. I envisioned his shows to be bursting with shiny gold suits, glittering horns in an elaborate orchestra, and awesome choreographed numbers. Instead, Bruno and his crew looked like the wiggles in their array of solid colored t-shirts. After ten lackluster song performances during which we were desperately trying to keep the grossly intoxicated woman next to us from plummeting over the balcony rail to her death, the curtain dropped and we were sent home gob smacked at the brevity and simplicity of the show.
3. A Bahamian island retreat: Here, I was awed by the beautiful clear water in all shades of blue and green, the brilliant blue skies, and the smiling locals I had imagined. The scent of fragrant salt air gave rise to the desire to taste fresh seafood and local produce. The reality left us on futile searches to nowhere for fish and fruit. Hungry, we settled for key limes and local “steaks” which just might have been canine. No matter, everything tastes delicious in the Caribbean. Plus, a squeeze of key lime juice in local mango rum can’t be beat. It makes everything “alright mon.”
4. Summer evening at a ballgame: In my home town routing on our team as they inched closer to the World Series with my family could only be made better with a finale of fireworks. Reality left me standing in line for an hour to pay twenty dollars for cold nachos as a man ignored his date to hit on me. Returning to my seat, I soon discovered the fireworks had been cancelled due to high winds.
5. Travelling to the west: Exploring the national parks and adventures in nature left us fishing my daughter from the rapids of the Yellow Stone river. Horseback riding through the mountains ended in a cold rain after we scooped my daughter from the ground when her spooked horse bucked. Hiking down a mountain to the base of a waterfall terminated when the same daughter fell on the slick stones and bled profusely from her scraped and cut knees.
6. Boating and relaxing on the Chesapeake Bay: This favorite destination placed us in the center of potential crimes as our boat was found sunk in an inlet along the river, and nefarious Russians at the nearby embassy targetedus.
7. A guided fishing excursion: The icy cold rain pelted us on the unseasonably cold early September day as we began our eight-hour day on the Potomac River. Along with Small-Mouth Bass, we caught poachers. The damp chill that drenched our insufficient outerwear morphed into the early stages of hypothermia. Unable to eat our lunch in the rain, we were returned to shore shivering and starving. At least we caught fish.

Undaunted, I continue to dream and plan new adventures. I am certain if one of my Bucket-List items goes off without a hitch, I will be immensely disappointed. I just hope I can hear and see all the things my future holds. Of course, I won’t remember them if they do. I'll just have to consult with Dr. Trinidad.... Hah, I remembered her name!