It’s Alright to Cry. Crying Gets the Sad Out of You

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

My daughter is fascinated with tears. Whenever my eyes well-up, she can see it from a mile away. Then, without judgement or concern, she immediately asks, “Are you crying?”

It doesn’t matter to her whether we are in line at the grocery store, sitting in a dark theater, or having a heart to heart talk. In all those situations, she will loudly and clearly blurt out, “Are you crying? Why are you crying?”

My daughter has no filter, no concept of being discreet or sensitive in situations where a bit of decorum might be appropriate. Truth be told, I have myself to blame for that. I am famous for just saying what I think. I have always been a truth teller, but even I wouldn’t call someone out for crying when clearly, they are trying to stifle the tears.

Like my mom, I am quick to turn on the waterworks. I swell with tears in pretty much any situation. My emotions are at the surface making it hard to keep the tears at bay. Crying is my go to emotional response for many situations: anger, pride, worry, frustration, happiness, sadness, embarrassment…. You name it, it makes me cry.

I do like to hide my tears whenever possible. Most people think I am a tough cookie who is incapable of freely tapping into her emotions. I have worked long and hard to create that persona. Now my daughter is single-handedly outing me, forcing me to admit I am a softy.

I have spent years discreetly brushing away a single tear as it leaks out while I watch Hallmark commercials or sad stories on the news. Years ago, I would watch Little House on the Prairie as I readied myself for work. Without fail, Pa and Laura would have a heartwarming moment just as I swiped my mascara onto my lashes. My eyes would well-up and become red and puffy as black streams of make-up trickled down my cheeks. After blowing my nose, I’d start all over trying to cover-up my red nose, puffy eyes, and splotchy skin. I am not a pretty crier.

To combat my crying in some situations, I worked hard at developing a well-crafted string of expletives to unleash when I stub my @##$# toe on the *&^% stair, or when I accidentally impale a blender blade into my finger. No tears for the pain, just profane rage. For the times that hiding the tears is just not an option, I leave. I hide up in my room and bury myself under my quilt to stifle the tears, or I retreat to the shower.

Crying in the shower is reserved for those emotional breakdowns triggered by big heartbreaking moments like losing a loved one or the despair of chronic insomnia. Fortunately, those moments are rare. The shower is a good place to cry because the water drowns out the sobs and washes away the tears. Plus, Makena is not there to inquire, “Are you crying?”

The tears helped me survive the most difficult times in my life. Isn’t that what crying’s for, emotional release? It is alright to cry. Crying does take the sad out of you.

It's All Right to Cry - Free to Be You and Me

By: Carol Hall

It's all right to cry

Crying gets the sad out of you

It's all right to cry

It might make you feel better

Raindrops from your eyes

Washing all the mad out of you

Raindrops from your eyes

It's gonna make you feel better

It's all right to feel things

Though the feelings may be strange

Feelings are such real things

And they change and change and change

Sad 'n' grumpy, down in the dumpy

Snuggly, hugly, mean 'n' ugly

Sloppy, slappy, hoppy, happy

Change and change and change

It's all right to know

Feelings come and feelings go

It's all right to cry

It might make you feel better

{Spoken}

It's all right to cry, little boy

I know some big boys that cry too

I am not sure why my daughter is so curious and aware of tears. More than calling me out for crying, she is desperate to see her dad cry.

Regularly, she will ask her dad if he cried. Whenever something stressful or sad happens, she turns to him earnestly searching his face for any sign of dampness. If he sniffles or blows his nose, she appears from nowhere to see if tears triggered his runny nose. When a man on TV cries she asks him if he has cried. She is a bit obsessed with him crying. It drives him nuts so of course I encourage her to ask.

Whenever she brings-up the topic of crying I am reminded of the album that I learned that it was in fact alright to cry. I grew up to the sound track Free to Be You and Me. This hippy-esque album was a compilation of songs performed by Marlo Thomas and friends. They celebrated the liberal human spirit. They sung their hearts out to songs that tackled the themes of just embracing who you are, kindness, tolerance, and love. 

“It’s Alright to Cry”was one of the many songs I memorized as I listened to that album on my orange briefcase record player over and over. We even had the book that listed the lyrics to all the songs. I loved that album.

Marlo taught me why William wants a doll. The song about the spoiled girl who insisted on ladies first helped me understand that tigers will eat bratty children. The expertly performed baby skit taught me that baby boys sound like Mel Brooks and that they have different parts under their diapers than girl babies, “goo.”  The life lessons were as impactful as the music was memorable.

I have a CD of that album and have tried repeatedly to get my kids to embrace the music and lessons to no avail. It seems that the anthem of my childhood is no longer relevant. I guess all the kids of the ‘70’s grew up and put those lessons to work so our kids don’t find the messages as revelatory.  Pop music and technology have opened more young minds than Marlo and friends ever did.

Still, I can’t help but think, if Makena would embrace the Hippy way of thinking, she would be more comfortable with the tears of others. Come to think of it, maybe her dad could learn a thing or two from that album, I don’t think I’ve seen him cry either.

Rosey Grier Performs