The Once Unwritten but Now Written Rules of Summertime Vacations

By: Elizabeth Redhead Kriston

**I have broken some if not all of these rules at one time

Vacation time for many has arrived. Summer is the traditional time for families, couples and friends to gather in a place away from home and let go of all the obligations of home life.

Relaxation and becoming a free spirit are the goals. Exploring new places, trying new things and being a better you are the goals. For too man, this also means losing common sense, releasing all inhibitions, and becoming irresponsible. In short, many people morph into idiots.

To help you avoid the faux pas and jerk-like behavior that ruin vacations for the people you encounter and maybe even your own good time, I have compiled a list of Summertime Vacation Rules for you to consider.

Read signs and do what they say: Ignoring posted warnings is how children fall over cliffs and into animal pens. This is how rare flora gets trample and nature gets ruined. No snapshot is worth risking death or prison.

Wild Animals are cute but not tame: Don’t walk up to a Buffalo in Yellow Stone for a selfie, especially if they have a baby nearby. Seriously, don’t do it!

Tell people where you are going but not on social media: Post pics and highlights afterward unless your house sitter is a ninja warrior and can thwart all would be robbers and home invaders.

Don’t assume tour guides and hoteliers have common sense: They are not prepared for even the smallest emergency. The hotels with pools don’t own first aid kits. They don’t even have a stray Band-Aid laying around unless you want to fish the used one from the pool filter. Horseback riding companies and white-water rafting outfitters laugh at the notion of offering helmets and they let every nervous Nelly with cash participate in these dangerous sports.

Flip flops are not shoes: (see last weeks blog) Do not hike in them. They are useless on the beach.  They are only good for public showers and preventing foot fungus. If worn in the airport, you will have to walk barefoot through security. Disgusting! Remember the foot fungus? Gag

Hiking shoes should be sturdy: Wedges, pumps and flip flops are not recommended.

Ticks like warm moist places: Always do thorough checks. Seriously, be VERY thorough.

Wear sunscreen every day. Yes, the sun is still in the sky even on cloudy days, and no the clouds are not made of steel so the hot penetrating sunrays do get through and burn the crap out of your precious skin.

Carry bear spray, not food when hiking in Grizzly country: Give a shout out periodically to encourage all hungry bears, bobcats and coyotes to chase down the silent hikers deeper in the woods.

Don’t litter. Never Ever Ever!: Even throwing an orange peel in the woods is littering unless it is a forest of orange trees.

A vacation with kids is just doing the same thing as you do at home but in nicer place: Always chose the house or room with a view so you can admire it from the windows as you change diapers, prepare meals and wait for them to stop tantruming because they are exhausted, bored or overtired.

Plan down days: After all the disasters you have averted by following the rules, you’ll need a day for just chillaxin. It’s good to be bored.

Experience the place like the locals do: Try to get away from the tourist traps and meet locals. Give those small businesses your money, not just the national chains. I promise you won’t regret it. Plus, they will want you to come back as long as you don’t behave like a douche bag, spend money and tip your servers and bartenders!

Plan ahead: Then throw the plan in the trash and be spontaneous.

Take naps: Enough said

Turn off the news: There is no better feeling than being oblivious to the world for a few days. It can’t be considered a true vacation if you worry about all the stupid people in the world. Just work on not being one yourself.

There is no such thing as a “perfect vacation.” With a bit of common sense, common decency and realistic expectations, you can have pretty great one. If you follow my rules, your vacation will be a success and you can bring everyone home alive. Unless your plan was to encourage that least favorite cousin to “step just a little closer to the edge” of the cliff so you can get the perfect photo….

Vacation Motto:

Be safe. Be smart. Be kind. Be adventurous. Be bored.

Holiday Road by Lyndsay Buckingham