By Elizabeth Redhead Kriston
My daughter made me so happy the other day. The words she uttered to make my day were simple, “I’m going to clean my room.” Then, she took it one step further, catapulting me into feeling equal parts bliss and pride. She proclaimed, “I’m gonna get rid of everything I haven’t used for six months.”
I swooned.
After I regained my strength, it took every ounce of my remaining energy to stifle my signature kneejerk response. I did not correct her error. Sometimes I do learn from my mistakes.
Hooray me!
I knew if I spoke-up, she would abandon her plan to declutter her room. She would roll her eyes and begrudge my know-it-all persona. I can’t help it if I know a lot of useless stuff like that the rule of throwing things out is really three years of no use, not six months. Silly girl.
Rather than sweat the small stuff, I bit my tongue and expressed only the moderate enthusiasm that I knew my touchy teen could tolerate. No big accolades for her, just a simple, “That sounds like a good idea honey. Have fun.” I knew the “have fun” part was more praise than she can normally stomach, but I had trouble containing my true joy.
Nothing makes me happier than organizing, decluttering, and purging. Sure, I like stuff. I buy stuff all the time. The stuff I buy is meant to replace stuff I no longer need because it’s outdated, doesn’t fit, or is broken and worn. Somehow, that old stuff mysteriously gets stored in closets, drawers, and corners.
There is only one possible culprit.
My husband is a bit of a hoarder. I find things I had placed in the trash, like unraveling and deteriorating kitchen floor mats or ancient, moldy brooms, stacked in the basement. When I ask, "Why on earth did you choose to keep this crap,” he replies, “You never know when we might need those.”
In fact, I do know when we might need those things. Never!
Never, ever, ever will I search high and low for a filthy, useless, broken broom or a mat that leaves a trail of decayed rubber backing crumbles all over the house. I can’t imagine I’ll wake up one day and think, this house is too neat and clean I wish I has something to make it dirtier. Oh, I know. I’ll look for those old mats and nasty broom.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
Aside from the things my daughter and husband hoard, I am a master of getting rid of once valuable to-me but now useless for-most stuff.
Ways to Get Rid of Stuff
Toss It:
One of my favorite pastimes is placing my trash on the tree lawn with a free sign on it. I hide behind the curtains in my front room window with a stopwatch to see how long it takes for my trash to become another’s treasure. The time to beat is 30 seconds.
Donate It
This is a win-win-win. With donations, you make it possible for others to work at places like the Good Will or Salvation Army. The Salvation Army will even come and get your stuff. You are providing low-cost merchandise for others to purchase. If you itemize taxes, you can deduct the estimated value of your donation. I recently estimated a bag of clothes to be worth thousands of dollars. Just kidding IRS agent. Calm down.
Places to donate include Women’s shelters, Churches, Animal shelters or other nonprofits for community garage sales, The Red Cross, NPR wants your cars, Dress for Success, etc.
The places who want your old, useless stuff are endless.
Sell it in a Garage Sale
This is very time consuming and usually not profitable, but so much fun. It’s a way to meet your neighbors while selling them that candle you just couldn’t bring yourself to regift. All those novelty gifts from your 40th and 50th birthday parties fly off the shelves. People rifle through your things and make rude comments. They cringe at the $0.25 price tag on the pair of never worn shoes which have the price tags (not revealing that you actually bought them at the Goodwill before your realized why they were at the Goodwill) still attached and low-ball you to a dime.
Despite the no early birds notice in the paper, cars idle in your driveway at 7:00 am even though your sale starts promptly at 8:00 am. The people watching is phenomenal! Plus, it’s a great excuse for day drinking. I need a bloody Mary or two to get me through this bi-annual ritual
Sell it on eBay
We reserve this for the things we know are worth more than $0.25. This is more time consuming at first, but once you get the hang of it, you can sell almost anything. My husband was able to get rid of that Zune he bought when he believed Microsoft would beat Apple in the music technology game. Silly man.
Give it to Someone
This is a great way to get rid of hand-me-downs. My girls never wore a new item of clothing, unless a grandparent bought it, until they were nearly tweens. Hand-me-downs saved us a billion dollars!
The important thing is to ask first. When I was a shy teen, my mother’s friend often roped me into babysitting her son who would spend the entire evening in his room crying hysterically until he threw-up. She had two insane Alaskan Malamutes who would escape the house. So I spent my nights trying to ignore the fact that a boy was knee deep in vomit and her crazy dogs were probably going to die on my watch. Good times. To add insult to my deep psychologically scarring, rather than pay me, this woman gave me garbage bags full of her retro polyester clothing. For some, this would be awesome, but I was not one of those girls who wanted to dress outside of the norm. No, I wanted to don the latest trends of the 1980’s, not the 1960’s. I needed cash to achieve that, not gogo boots. Ask first
Pawn Shops
I have only been to a pawn shop twice, the only times I really needed cash. Why else does one use a pawn shop, right? Both times the shifty clerks swindled me. Knowing I was desperate and a novice, they lowballed me on the jewelry I was selling. This was long before the internet became so prolific so I had no resource to school me on its true worth. Since I was desperate, I accepted the offer. If you are not in a rush, do research before using this option. Then use eBay instead.
Pass On Valuables to a Loved One
I love you. Pick me! But only if it’s diamonds or antique furniture. You don’t even need to ask first.
I promise, getting rid of stuff brings joy and will lift a weight off your shoulders. Others will find treasures in your trash. Your children and grandchildren will be so grateful when you pass on to the next world that they don’t have to rent a dumpster and get rid of all the useless crap that you refused to part with.
Remember, nobody wants your shabby broom and floor mats. Really nobody wants them not even if you put a free sign on them. They will sit on your tree lawn for 24 hours, 15 minutes, and 36, 37, 38,… forever seconds.
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